Holy Inappropriateness

Getting Chemo...LIKE A BOSS

So let me just warn you, if you aren't a fan of context clues, it's about to go down. And by down, I mean way down...as in VAGINA! So I want to do a review on Chemo Cold Caps, you know, the sub zero helmet I use for 8ish hours  before, during, and after chemo. What it does is freeze the blood vessels/hair follicles in my scalp so that I can keep the majority of my hair. I don't think I can really do an accurate review until I'm done with my 6 treatments, but I will do a mini review after my next chemo session. With that being said two weeks after chemo I haven't noticed any changes to the top of my head, which is awesome...however...this post is about my other head.

I'm serious this shit is X rated, so turn the fuck around if you can't handle it!

<3 one of our first official photos when we were dating lol.
I had just hacked off my hair from boob length to shoulders

It's snowing pubic hair, hallelujah! Like errywhere! Well mostly in my tights/underwear/toilet so not quite errywhere. It feels like errywhere though. I say this as comically as possible, but like, not really. So yesterday I pull down my pants (and by pants I mean tights) to use the restroom. Low and behold, for some reason I have underwear on. Normally I go sans chones, but with the recent changes (surprises) in urinary and bowel function, I felt as if I needed an extra layer of support (protection). LOL. I laugh because that's all I can really do. Anyways. Apparently my spruce tree had lost some needles. Do spruce trees even have needles or are they technically leaves? Well what the fuck ever you know what I mean. Hmmm. Strange. I go to wipe...HAIR. Front door AND back door. Oh shit, it's really happening...my hair is falling out. There is some chemo that makes you lose your hair, and some that does not. Of the now four drugs am taking all of them make me feel like shit (literally) and one of them makes you lose ALL of your hair. I've been taking steps to preserve my brows, lashes, and of course hair hair, but as far as other regions well, I've been waiting it out. Well, the wait is over and I feel...anxious. Yes it's just down there and yes I used to spend 45 bones every 4 weeks ripping that shit off, well...having Corrie rip that shit off, but still. I thought the burn would be the worst side effect, but...I don't know...

Side Eye from the Queen B of shade

It's really coming out today, like...it's noticeable.  I'm scared to wash my hair because I'm worried to see hair going down the drain. Hell I'm scared to wash my kitty because I don't want to see it going down the drain either. I find myself getting up and running to the bathroom to see if I have any brows left, to see if I even have lashes, to see if I'm bald. This feels awful. The doctor said that the chemo I'm on impacts both heads, sometimes brows, sometimes lashes, sometimes hair on arms and legs. That's that bull. I'm not a girl that enjoys a full bush, but WTF not one time did she say upper lip hair or underarms. What do you mean sometimes legs? Why not ALL THE TIME LEGS? I mean this is CRAY. So recap, cancer will make me loose my tits, potentially (but hopefully not due to crazy freezing measures) my hair on my head, my hair on my snatch, my sanity, our savings, BUT NO MENTION OF UNDER ARM OR UPPER LIP hair. In fact, I plucked today! Facial hair is gripping to that follicle so hard that sometimes my Tweezerman throws in the towel! I looked under my arms, did a lil yank...SHIT IS STILL THERE! Not one hair came out. Comical isn't it. Major major side eye with a 100% chance of shade.

PS: I had diarrhea all day today, and boy did it BURN! My nose is runny runny runny! Fatigue...was bad. But on that note, I'm going out to finish up my Thanksgiving shopping...LIKE A BOSS. I made brine for my turkey that is gong to be submerged for 36 hours starting at 7pm!!

So that's my little inappropriate post of the day. St. Peregrine, along with the help of my Blessed Mother and My Lord and God please help me fight this...and keep this completely inappropriate sense of humor :)