If you're going through hell, keep on Going

T minus 3 days till Chemo infusion 3. The half way mark. Hell. Great. Ok no more one word sentences, that shit is tacky! Fatigue is really just a fancy word that translates into too tired to do any damn thang. And by any damn thang I mean not a damn thing! I'm so sleepy I fall asleep like a 90 year old. One second I'm sitting on the couch watching the best Bravo has to offer, and the next minute I'm walking up wondering what the hell just happened. It. Really. Sucks. Most people are like "can you take anything?" As a matter of fact, I could do lines of coke off of my toilet (since I'm down there anyway) to keep my energy up, or that stupid tea or pill you're going to tell me to try! THINK BEFORE YOU TALK PEOPLE! But no, I can't take anything for energy. The only supplements I can really take are vitamin C and probiotics. That's it. Everything else is not sanctioned (ha!) by my team so unfortunately I can't try your gimmicky pitch. But I'm sure it works!

Cowboys won today. WHAT WHAT!

Ahem, let me clear my froat. I am not bald, I am not bald. I am not bald.

Big ups to the Lloyd fam who swung by to cheer me up and for the gift card. The day before chemo I aways go get provisions and I can't wait to pick up my organic goodies! I absolutely, positively, LOVE y'all and Aaron is baby of the YEAR!

So I'd like to talk a little bit about my current situation. I know some people are a little confused. You read things in magazines and see things on tv and there are a lot of things out there that just cause people to make stupid ass comments to me and I can't TAKE IT ANYMORE! I was talking about it with my girl X-tina the other day and I feel as if I am duty bound to share this with the world.

When I was initially diagnosed I was given two different options for treatment.
1. 10 straight weeks of radiation followed by a lumpectomy and possible more radiation. Then 4 times a year PET scans for like...eva. Dense breast tissue= no guarantee of catching it, should it decide to come back.

2. 6 rounds of hell fire chemo and a double mastectomy (or single) and checkups 4 times a year, then three times, then once. Shoot to cure as my ONC says.

Best chance for survival option 2. Better chance of survival, double mastectomy with option 2.

So there you have it. Notice what you didn't see in the numerated points. No mention of pills. None. I AM NOT A CANDIDATE, NOR WILL I EVER BE A CANDIDATE FOR CHEMO PILLS FOR TREATMENT. Just because some trendy bitch on whatever show you watch is poppin' pills for her cancer DOES FUCKIN' NOT mean I get to do it. The lucky bitches that pop the pills don't have the aggressive shit. Those of us with the aggressive shit have to go through hell to survive. This is not elective. I'm not doing this to be cool. I'm doing this to survive. I'm not cutting off my tits as a preventative. I'm cutting off my tits because I want to survive. When you want to survive you get to go through HELL. The puking, the shitting, the bleeding out the ass, the dropping out of the hair, the burning when I pee or puke or eat or even breathe,,the lack of immune system, the fatigue, the dry mouth, the bleeding gums, the cracked lips, the messed up taste buds, the burned esophagus, the inability to hold down water, ice, or anything of nutritional value. The begging, and I mean BEGGING at 4:30 am to God to come down from high to help you through this. The crying to the husband because you don't know if you want to do it anymore, and your tired, and you have 4 more rounds to go. Hopefully I get out "before the devil even knows I'm there."

Your body, for lack of a better term, gets bludgeoned within an inch of it's life. Each infusion tears your body down to nothing. The further you go into the chemo treatment process, the less and less your body recuperates. What does this mean? After each session the number of "good days" get less and less and the number of "inferno" days gets more and more. Doesn't that sound great? So next time you open your mouth to a person going through chemo I need you to think of what you say. Someone going through hell really.....really doesn't want to hear any of your Tom Foolery. After my conversion by fire I get.....TO HAVE SURGERY! Most importantly though, I get to live.

And that's all I have to say about that Felicia!

Thanks for errythang Wubs! You're the best!