Fa Fa Fa Fa FATIGUE

Ok, so I don't want to neglect my blog now that the heavy shit is done (EVEN THOUGH I DON'T THINK ANYONE IS READING!), because let's be real, when you have cancer the heavy shit is never done, even when you kick that suckers ass. Truth is, I've been in a funk. Less talking, less texting......why? I'M FREAKING SO TIRED!! Like I barely sleep, the energy I have I save for working out or just basic things like walking down the stairs. It hit me, my life has changed and this weaker version of my former self is really getting on my last nerve!Let's talk about the joys of post chemo post cancer post bullshit life shall we?

1. You do not go back to normal, your life a new normal. What does that mean? I can't do P90X and them do Zumba right after like a fucking psycho like I use to. Yes, I use to do two hour work outs 4-5 days a week with no problem. Sweat errywhere!

2. Your lucky if you can get down to your pre chemo size two months after dense chemo all the while fighting water retention and diet chemo (aka herceptin) bullshit. Herceptin makes me pukey and retain water...it sucks sweaty ballz.

3. I almost cried after 3 minutes of T25 modified....Angelique, you my friend are a badass, I am a weak ass. I will revisit T25 in a 3 weeks.

4. I cried during Couch 2 5k because I struggled so bad on Day 1. Yes DAY 1! Even when I was fat and out of shape I never struggled through day 1.  My whole body can barely walk let alone run. I promised myself that even if I could only jog and a snails pace that I was going to do this come hell or high water. 3 days a week, 9 weeks till running for 30 minutes straight, come HELL or high water!

5. I finished a 1 hour Zumba class at LA fitness....YES BITCHES, I'm back!!

So fatigue is one of the worst symptoms, think laziness only with a reason for the laziness. It's hard to do anything, clean the house, cook, or work out without having the overhelming desire to burst out crying, throw a damn tantrum, and get in bed. I kinda threw one on Saturday, I was tired I didn't want to do anything, then Javi reminded me that fatigue is still better than chemo. True, oh so true. I do not miss my ass and throat being on fire, and he does not miss those projectile vomiting exorcist times AT ALL! So am I better, YES....but I'm not really "better." I'm working my way back to better. If that makes any sense.

So juicing is done.....YES...even though I did juice today. My breakfasts all week except for on Sunday are normally juice or almond milk. I went grocery shopping today and for $68 I was able to buy a 95% organic menu.

Chicken cutlets (organic)
chicken tenders (organic)
ground turkey (organic)
fruit (organic)
veggies (organic)
beans (organic)
quinoa (organic)
quinoa based pasta (organic)
almond milk (organic)
cream of mushroom
cream of chicken
low fat cheese

This is more than enough food and fruit to get us through a week of juicing and healthy eating. I tend to eat less meat than Javi, in fact I probably have 2-3 servings of meat (chicken, fish, turkey, beef) a week. I don't really crave it and when I do eat it, it's not more than 4oz. I prefer beans as a source of protein, they are easy on my stomach and super super healthy. To me the bang for the buck is awesome, and Javi loves his healthy options: Pizza rollups (chicken) with marinara and quinoa pasta, healthy chicken tetrazini, and salmon patties with mexican style rice and a tomatillo salsa. The salmon patties are from Trader Joes and I got them two weeks ago.

The healthy eating has given me more energy, but only enough to feel 50% of what I felt before....ugh. It's an improvement and I will take it anyway I can!

So that's all for now, I'm soooooooo sleepy and can't see straight. MEH!