If you're going through hell, keep on Going

T minus 3 days till Chemo infusion 3. The half way mark. Hell. Great. Ok no more one word sentences, that shit is tacky! Fatigue is really just a fancy word that translates into too tired to do any damn thang. And by any damn thang I mean not a damn thing! I'm so sleepy I fall asleep like a 90 year old. One second I'm sitting on the couch watching the best Bravo has to offer, and the next minute I'm walking up wondering what the hell just happened. It. Really. Sucks. Most people are like "can you take anything?" As a matter of fact, I could do lines of coke off of my toilet (since I'm down there anyway) to keep my energy up, or that stupid tea or pill you're going to tell me to try! THINK BEFORE YOU TALK PEOPLE! But no, I can't take anything for energy. The only supplements I can really take are vitamin C and probiotics. That's it. Everything else is not sanctioned (ha!) by my team so unfortunately I can't try your gimmicky pitch. But I'm sure it works!

Cowboys won today. WHAT WHAT!

Ahem, let me clear my froat. I am not bald, I am not bald. I am not bald.

Big ups to the Lloyd fam who swung by to cheer me up and for the gift card. The day before chemo I aways go get provisions and I can't wait to pick up my organic goodies! I absolutely, positively, LOVE y'all and Aaron is baby of the YEAR!

So I'd like to talk a little bit about my current situation. I know some people are a little confused. You read things in magazines and see things on tv and there are a lot of things out there that just cause people to make stupid ass comments to me and I can't TAKE IT ANYMORE! I was talking about it with my girl X-tina the other day and I feel as if I am duty bound to share this with the world.

When I was initially diagnosed I was given two different options for treatment.
1. 10 straight weeks of radiation followed by a lumpectomy and possible more radiation. Then 4 times a year PET scans for like...eva. Dense breast tissue= no guarantee of catching it, should it decide to come back.

2. 6 rounds of hell fire chemo and a double mastectomy (or single) and checkups 4 times a year, then three times, then once. Shoot to cure as my ONC says.

Best chance for survival option 2. Better chance of survival, double mastectomy with option 2.

So there you have it. Notice what you didn't see in the numerated points. No mention of pills. None. I AM NOT A CANDIDATE, NOR WILL I EVER BE A CANDIDATE FOR CHEMO PILLS FOR TREATMENT. Just because some trendy bitch on whatever show you watch is poppin' pills for her cancer DOES FUCKIN' NOT mean I get to do it. The lucky bitches that pop the pills don't have the aggressive shit. Those of us with the aggressive shit have to go through hell to survive. This is not elective. I'm not doing this to be cool. I'm doing this to survive. I'm not cutting off my tits as a preventative. I'm cutting off my tits because I want to survive. When you want to survive you get to go through HELL. The puking, the shitting, the bleeding out the ass, the dropping out of the hair, the burning when I pee or puke or eat or even breathe,,the lack of immune system, the fatigue, the dry mouth, the bleeding gums, the cracked lips, the messed up taste buds, the burned esophagus, the inability to hold down water, ice, or anything of nutritional value. The begging, and I mean BEGGING at 4:30 am to God to come down from high to help you through this. The crying to the husband because you don't know if you want to do it anymore, and your tired, and you have 4 more rounds to go. Hopefully I get out "before the devil even knows I'm there."

Your body, for lack of a better term, gets bludgeoned within an inch of it's life. Each infusion tears your body down to nothing. The further you go into the chemo treatment process, the less and less your body recuperates. What does this mean? After each session the number of "good days" get less and less and the number of "inferno" days gets more and more. Doesn't that sound great? So next time you open your mouth to a person going through chemo I need you to think of what you say. Someone going through hell really.....really doesn't want to hear any of your Tom Foolery. After my conversion by fire I get.....TO HAVE SURGERY! Most importantly though, I get to live.

And that's all I have to say about that Felicia!

Thanks for errythang Wubs! You're the best!

MAC n' Boobs

Tis the season to half ass decorate your home!

Ok, so lets cut straight to the chase bitches.

1. I have no brows
2. My lashes are thin
3. I'm shedding hair....from my head along my left hairline probably a one inch section by my ear is gone and two inches in length and a couple millimeters in width have receded (MORE LIKE FALLEN OUT).

I am not bald I am not bald I am not bald. I need to repeat this, because I should have been bald a month ago. My cheeks are way too fat for me to be bald bitches so the emotional instability was REAL when shit started to fall out. I am not bald I am not bald I am not bald FUCK IT PASS THE XANAX.

Ok so enough about my hair, because I have most of it.

You want to know what hair I HAVE managed to retain, the hair on my motherfuckin' chin. You know, that ONE chin hair that's like hehehehe bitch you thought I was gone, WELL I'M HERE TO STAY! Chemo or no chemo, hair on my face (ha, just not on my brows) remains to be a problem.

So yay to chemo cold caps....I AM NOT BALD. Please sweet Christmas Jesus, laying in your little manger next to yo mama and step daddy with your cloth diaper on, PLEASE don't let me lose anymore, my emotional instability can't handle it, there is not enough Xanax in the world for me to handle it!

Moving along. I saw some of my peeps yesterday! Selena and Fabi came to keep me up to date on all of my work loqueria/chisme/gossip. I am officially caught up....HOLLLAAAAAAA! I'd also like to kick a shout out to Angelique who Boob Chica sat the other day, and is coming over with her bundle of joy so we can hang tonight. Yay! Thank you all for your continued support and comfy socks =)

Mom doing her first survivor walk with the rest of the
survivors in DFW!

This week has been crazy, with all the people that think it's ok to say what they want and what not. I'm a huge fan of saying what you want....as long as it's not crazy! I feel my self starting to digress and I don't want to. When my brows fell out, I went to MAC so that they could show me how to pencil them in. Don't think chola brows think full luscious movie star brows. Erica was in and out so Josh hooked me UP! Brow (random stray hair really) wax, pencil, brush, concealer brush, and concealer later I walked out looking, feeling like a million bucks. He also told me about an oil that would work for my psychotically dry skin. Big ups to the LGBT community for keeping us chemo gals looking right in our time of need. Big ups to all the makeup artists, hair stylists, aestheticians who give us a little pep in our cancerous step. Things like this mean a lot. It's so important to remain as positive as possible. As shallow as it seems, looks=positivity=self esteem. Thanks for always keeping me looking right!

5 days till my next chemo...so excited to experience hell on Earth again. Really. Nothing builds character like shedding hair, vomit, and a burning asshole, but I'm keeping it positive! I AM NOT BALD!

So I've been really enjoying my boobs lately, you know, since I only have like three more months with these guys. I'm anxious to receive my next set of scans to compare what's going on inside my right boob and under my arm where the cancer lymph node lives. Hopefully I'm part of the 40% that has errythang gone before surgery! Jesus, I don't have my bra on or nothin' JESUS.

Anyways

I really love this time of year. The smell of the red velvet candle Kym got me, the lights, the green and red errythang, the gluttony lol, cookies!, the overpriced Christmas trees...which is why we didn't get one..., the weather, ERRYTHANG! I also understand that for some this time of year is piss and shit. I get it, I do. You lost so and so, you're single and have no one, you want to mope. I get it. Kinda. Sorta. Not really. Winter is a beautiful time of year, it symbolizes both death and rebirth all in the same season. I wish people focused on the rebirth aspect rather than the death aspect. Yes the grass is brown. Yes the trees are bare. But you have so much to celebrate. I have a lot to celebrate, and if I'm celebrating bitches, so should you. I mean, it is Jesus' bday!

Happy birfday, drink some wine!

I'm Back Bitches

LOL, ok so not really. So I said it before and am going to say it again, the addition of Carbo to my chemo regimen has fucked me six ways from Sunday. I'm extremely fatigued, nauseous, just generally feeling really MEH! My brows have thinned out and I have lost some lashes....which let me tell you has been a real hit to my self esteem. I've noticed a couple of stray hairs on my hairline as well, but in the grand hair show, isn't too much of a big deal. It isn't a big deal boob chica, keep saying it so you can believe it!

So let's recap.

Feeling: like shit, fatigue hit me hard today, but otherwise ok
Ready for Xmas: no, and I don't give a damn!
Nausea meds: are about to be thrown out, they don't work
Cough: comes and goes, normally at night
Javier: is awesome

So the bestie came into town this weekend to see the madness! It was good to see Celinas and my nephew! She brought fuzzy socks, as well as some other essentials, not to mention hooked my face up with some moisturizer to keep the cracks away. PRAISE THE LAWD! I also saw Kym and Mari from work, they brought me a mini Christmas tree and some cards from work that my coworkers had signed. Super nice, appreciate it! I'm hoping to feel good enough this weekend to have some people over for some food as a mini Merry Christmas/Happy New Year since I fully expect that I'll be high as a kite this New Year!

Yes.........I said it.....I need to keep it real

There comes a time when you are in the seventh circle of hell (physically and emotionally) where you have to explore all your options. There comes a time when life experience makes you see things in a certain light. I've always been the type of person that has said that when it comes to certain things you really can't say what you would do unless you were in that situation. Medical marijuana, now a huge advocate, end of story.

Promise to blog more often!

Ice Ice Baby

Ice Storm '13

Well, guess all the newscasters were correct. Javi and I are iced in two days after chemo. LUCKY HIM! Holy barf bucket Batman, I feel like shit. 48 hours after chemo is to me, when things start to get REAL. As in REAL bad. The nausea is awful and no drug can really control it, the Neulasta pain is excruciating. Everything from jaw, to pelvis, to back pain. It's really hard to explain, but think one of those bone stretching Medieval torture machines. That's what being on Neulasta is like. No amount of hydro/benedryl/claritin/whatever can possibly help with this. UGH! Today I was in and out of consciousness, awoken by pain in my bones and nausea, and of course Javi...trying to coax me to eat something. 

Want to know what's such bull? Ok so I have these two cancer cookbooks in which they talk about the importance of eating right after chemo. I really wonder if these authors went through chemo their damn self because eating or drinking ANYTHING is extremely difficult right now. Ginger cubes? That sounds like some bullshit to me. Water hurts my mouth, so naturally I think these authors are just lying to sell books to poor unsuspecting bitches such as myself. NO WAY I could eat anything right now. I got through some soup, but even that was a stretch. By through I mean, two BITES! I've been HAD!

I wrote that like two days ago....let's just say, it's been a rough week after chemo. I have felt SO BAD! The C in TCH has really kicking my motherfuckin' ass....HARD! I remember telling some friends that going through chemo is like the mother of all hangovers, and by mother, I mean motherFUCKA'! I looked at myself in the mirror, good grief, I look sick. Hair of the dog doesn't even begin to describe what I need right now. I need hair, makeup, skin, lashes all of the dog, I mean shit...I NEED HELP! My appearance is seriously suffering! CORRIE/HOLLY/ERICA/SHAY  HELP A BITCH OUT PLEASE! I know I'm not the only Dallas-ite who is on a first name/text basis with her glam squad, but damn I wish I had the energy to do something besides puke, shit, and eat two spoonfuls of some nasty ass soup. I mean it's a sad sad day when your husband has to try to talk you into chocolate cake. Like really, this has been the longest chocolate cake has even survived in our house. Go buy your favorite foods they said, you'll have a taste for them they said....THEY LIED. The thought of eating anything has me just disgusted! 

Steroids, I'm officially back in a relationship with you bitches, because without them I wouldn't have the energy to put one foot in front of the other. Wait a second....FUCK THAT because I still don't! What exactly have you done for me lately roids....aside from made me fatter than a Lifetime weight loss movie! I mean I've lost....but the bloat is so real right now. 

So since America is all about comparing, my second infusion has been

-worse

-worser

-worsest 

than my first. Diarrhea-the same, Nausea-worse, Vomiting- A HELL OF A LOT WORSE, Bum rash-a hell of a lot better thanks to A's miracle cream (LOL), Fatigue-worse, burning-the same, mouth-better (because I've prepared for it), but the bleeding is a lot worse. I taste blood in my mouth all the time, my lips are better, have burned but been manageable. 

Here's a note I found from my husband:

I LOVE MY WIVI! I LOVE MY WIVI SO MUCH! SHE MEANS THE WORLD TO ME AND I DON'T THINK SHE'LL EVER TRULY KNOW THE DEPTHS TO WHICH I LOVE HER! I AM TRULY BLESSED TO HAVE HER BY MY SIDE AND THANK THE LORD EVERYDAY FOR BRINGING US TOGETHER! WE ARE GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER, AND I FIRMLY BELIEVE THAT WHEN WE MAKE IT THROUGH THIS, THE REST WILL BE A BREEEEEZE! LET'S KICK CANCER'S ASS, REMEMBER....TEAM BRING IT! <3

Awwww, my husband wrote that. Thank God I married him when I did, because I would be screwed without my Wubby! Gotta end on a positive! LOL

Boobs and Besties WHAT WHAT!

I survived! Hook 'Em Horns!

My face doesn't look all roided up here...yes it does. I'm like Jose Cansecho in this muthafucka, straight up JUICED! In da face!

So my friend Angelique said I look smaller, so it must be true. HA! That's real friendship! Of course Robert said I look great, lol, but he's a guy friend who has learned when in doubt LIE LIE LIE. Remember when you called me big in college Ro? I KID I KID!

LOL, this reminds me of college..
and that drunken UFC/boxing
at Fox and Hound haha!

 Anyways, I have a bomb ass friend support system that is better than errybody elses. I sometimes wonder about some of the ladies and gentlemen that go through chemo and are there alone. Yes there's tv and shitty chemo candy and crackers, but above all what makes it go by faster is the conversation and shit talk that happens between friends. Real talk people, real talk. I mean my people are the BOMB! Angelique takes off work (like for realz, uses a day for little ol me lol) to hang out with me and my cold caps! Robert flew up just to be put to work and let me question him about his girlfriend that it sounds like I may like her! YAY! Love you man, next time fried bananas for you! She's the one Ro, put a ring on it and let's start planning =) Love you all so much, and the support from so many others foreign and domestic that have been there through the battle has truly been amazing.

So Taxotere, Herceptin, Perjeta, and now new to the party (late) is Carboplatin...it's suppose to have me feeling like some serious SHIT! Ha! Thank God for realness, like really! Also...she said symptoms tend to get worse. Hopefully not the big D, and I don't mean Dallas. I'm cautiously optimistic, but the twinge in my tummy says to get ready that I'm in for a helluva ride! I see you ride and I'm READY. I can't speak for Javi or the kids though. Well I can speak for Hunter, he's an Akita, always loyal, always ready to help take care of mom! Best dog ever. Hopefully Javi sleep takes care of me again! LOL

Bottoms up BITCHES! Mom tried to take
my wine...I've never been about that life!
(Javi is trying to drink all the wine before
 tomorrow,
sigh, no trust!)

2 infusions down, 4 more to go! I will feel better when it's 3 more, you know halfway just sounds better....it just seems like February is so far away! It's funny, and I was going ot plan a Spring Break getaway with Javi to Cancun or Riviera Maya as a YAY 1 year anniversary trip, but looks like that'll have to wait until a later date. Things change, shit happens.

Now on to my BOOBS! My right boob is happy, the lump according to awesome doctor Le has "faded into the blackness" as the rappers say and has seemed to have disappeared. She couldn't feel anything but maybe a slight calcification. Yup! THAT'S RIGHT! When she saw me the first time she told me she was going to go balls to the wall and hit me with everything. Well no she didn't say balls to the wall! She has an MD, they don't talk like that, they are not that DOWN for the cause lol. Anyways, she told me in order to aim for cure they need to hit me with 6 cycles and that one lone cell left in my body could fuck me up...AGAIN. Ain't nobody got time for that! Bre' cancer is no joke!  If I'm doing all this, let's just do it once, kick ass, take names, lose tits, get fake ones, inject a little fat in my ass from my stomach and call it a day. Really, I see no need for the bullshit. I'm very matter of fact, I'm not emotional, I'm not going to sit here and cry over milk I'll never get to spill, or lost titties...when I could have fake perky ones and a closet full of slutty tops.... FO E VA! My breast surgeon (BS, not to be confused with what comes out of cows...or me lol) is THRILLED!

 Not many are fortunate enough to be on Perjeta (the ass kicking chemo drug that shrinks tumors after a week). In all seriousness, I am very blessed, fortunate, lucky, and the stars aligned, ALL OF IT for me to be able to take it. See I'm what's called ER PR negative, and HER2 positive which means aggressive not caused by hormone cancer. I'm both negative and positive. People who are triple negative or triple positive aren't eligible but because I'm both I am HA! Sometimes it pays to be negative! In any event, things are going well. So thankful. I know it is because of all of your prayers and support. As the say in the South 'preciate y'all! Oh and to my precious gummy bear Javi, I love you Wubs!

Chemo luggage! Love my slippers!

That's That Bull

I haven't taken any pictures of my sick ass
so you'll have to settle for my dogs! Man
up Hunter and tell Tika to step off! LOL

Why oh why did I need to get sick right before chemo? And of all things.....guess what I have....guess what I HAVE?

Diahrrea.

WHAT THE FUCK

WHY?

Ok if I'm going to have all of this stuff coming out of me I need to see it coming off of my thighs and my abdominal area like now because this is bullshit. No this is boob chica's shit! Haha SO GROSS RIGHT? What is even more disgusting is the gross injustice going on with my weight as a result of all of this! Why am I not size 4? Like seriously I have like an internal laxative chemo/bitches be getting sick situation going on right now, I thought laxatives were suppose to help you lose weight, so like why am I not bikini ready right now? I'm totes making a lemon drop martini out of my situation but really throw me a bone dammnit! Ugh. Anyways. So I'm getting over the sickness, but for some reason have the worst stomach ache eva! What have I eaten in the last 72 hours....practically nothing! Plus I've thrown up, plus I have the lower intestinal situation going on. I should be almost at my goal weight by now and I'm not... this is cray! Very disappointed in you cancer, you fucked me for the last time! Well...hopefully!

I think I should take my penis cup to chemo and drink out
of it while the burn me up! I think I deserve another
bachelorette party!

Big ups to my chemo buddies tomorrow: Angelique and Robert! Thank you two so much in advance for giving Javi the day off! With the crazy weather headed this way he needs to get everything ready and I'm sure could use a break from my crazy ass (not really, but yes really). Real friends, God love 'em! I know I do :)

So I joined this website MyBCTeam. It's like Facebook except everyone has breast cancer and they talk about shit like whether not you tested positive for the mutation, what type of chemo your getting, and tips to help combat pain from your Neulasta shot. For anyone out there that finds themself in the same shit storm as me, I highly recommend it.  It's like the pink ribbon commercials with the hand holding. Very kum-ba-ya. LOL it's honestly been helpful, they have great ideas and I've found quite a few girls on there that went through this at my age and now have kids so...holllaaa! Speaking of kids guess who got their period...all over her newly covered dining room chairs? ME! Happy Thanksgiving to me....UGH. I thought I peed on myself...I wish! Just a mini three day and it was gone.

Can't wait to trash talk! My brotha
from anotha mutha!

Anyways, you put in your stats, what stage, what type, and it like shows you girls from all over that have the same type as you lol. You then add friends (add them to your team). Super cute, yay for the hand holding and the singing. What's neat is that years after these women have gone through their ordeal they still come back and offer kind words to the cancer newbies and tell us to calm the hell down and be hopeful.  The cool thing is, they have earned the right to tell you not to freak out, they aren't some random chicks from the block who's mama's sisters cousins boyfriends ex girlfriend had cancer. They actually lived it.  They are quite curious about my chemo cold caps and the fact that I still have my hair. I'm still surprised that I have my hair. OMG are y'all over my hair? I talk so much about it and I know you all think it's silly but boobs can be replaced, hair cannot. Even a really good weave still cannot replace your hair. You can RUN AND TELL THAT!!

So I'm thinking of throwing a boob party. Yes, a farewell to my tits party. They have brought many comfort and joy throughout the years, and they are gone with the wind fabulous. I'll keep you all posted. It would have to be after chemo of course and I totally want the same baker that we used at our wedding! I'm thinking some boobs in a bra as a cake! Super cute no? Stay tuned, I'm thinking formal invites and errythang!

One of the best priests eva! Father Rudy! Javi dumped the
holy water all over the place...like a BOSS!

 I'm sipping on this matcha green tea (that's perhaps the most yuppy thing I've ever said). Nom nom nom. You become quite granola after cancer. I won't go completely granola, but I have to do better. Just a stones throw away from getting real in the Whole Foods parking lot! LOL. Anyway, go get you some, it's really good, all natural. You know it's all natural when there's some weird stuff floating in it and they charge you literally by the bag o tea... just saying.

I tested negative for the gene, which means nothing really. I'm sure that further genetic testing will show that I do in fact carry a mutation, seeing that I'm a third generation future breast cancer survivor. BRACA 1 and 2 are just two they identified there's a gagillion others! People seem to be like "phew, I'm not a carrier," um so like yeah that doesn't really mean anything....(points to boobs) obviously! Long of the short I think you should know, so that you could be like Angelina Jolie and cut those bad boys off if in fact you do test positive.  People will talk about how courageous you are! OMG so courageous! You cut your tits off! That makes no damn sense to me. That woman did not have to sit through one infusion, one PET scan, one Core Need Biopsy, one port surgery...oh Boob Chica your just hating...well fuck yes I am. She wasn't courageous she was a pussy, she opted out before shit got real. I wish I would have gotten the chance to do that, but here I am in the realness! Trust, I'm just hating...she's not a pussy...just a woman with GWOP and a whole mess of international children! She also needs to eat something....anyways

I can tell by the cup of matcha tea that my time is up! I apologize in advance for any horrendous spelling and or gramatical errors...I don't proofread! Big ups to my fans! CHEMO TOMORROW! THANK YOU DALLAS!

OH LAWWWWWWWD!

Cold Cap=keep the hair, just not down
 there!

Your immune system is weak they said. Avoid areas that have poor air circulation/that are heavily crowded they said. I didn't LISTEN! Friday night I was at Blue Martini with Javier and Akon, mostly because I wanted to prove to Javi that I COULD still hang. Who would have known that Blue Martini was germ filled and would become filled with people? How was I to know that two days later I was going to wake up with the MUTHA of all fevers, cough, sore throat and feeling like two sacks *ahem, make that three* of horse shit! Now I know why I haven't seen anyone going through chemo out at the bar! I haven't felt this bad since right after chemo and I'm about to feel that shitty again since I have another infusion on Wednesday. Oh well, that martini tasted good!

I meant martinis!!

Yes as in plural! Worst cancer patient EVA!

So Friday and Saturday I was pretty insistent on getting the house ready for Christmas. I went out shopping on Friday for decorations, and I bought what I thought was a lot of decor...then I put it up in the house and I got really depressed that I spent all that money for what was basically NOTHIN! Mom offered up some of her decor, hell yeah, now we are ready for the holidays. For some reason Christmas trees are naked as hell and expensive as hell. Really? 200 dollars for that naked ass tree? Bitches be cray! We may wait until after Christmas to be getting a tree! Speaking of after Christmas it seems like this Boxing Day (google that for all you non Canadian Brits out there) I'll be getting my chemo on...what WHAT! So gangsta! NOT.

It's funny, because I was going to work today. Seriously. I got signed off and errythang. Then I get slammed with the Blue Martini sickness and I'm at home. Poor hubby can't catch a break. Fevers suck! I was burning up like a mutha!

Ugh, so have I talked about my runny nose on here? I don't think so. So my nose hair fell out...yes...my nose hair fell out. When your nose hairs fall out you have a constant runny nose. I literally only have like three left in my right, lol it's kinda sorta funny. Speaking of hair, I officially have like less than five hairs on my kitty, and I'm literally clinging to that shit as if it was hair on my head!

So I was terrified to wash my hair today...TERRIFIED! When you watch yourself go bald down there you think, oh shit is this what it's like? It drops out in clumps and if you apply any tension, that's it, it's out. I remember my oncologist telling me that if by Friday (last Friday) I still had my hair that means the cold cap worked. Well I didn't shed any more than usual so after one infusion I've still got my hair. I had to smile when I came out of the bathroom with my wet hair, Javi looked so surprised. More relieved is probably the word I'm searching for.

So I need to eat super clean tomorrow because whatever I eat tomorrow and Wednesday I'll be barfing and shitting up around 2am Friday and I would prefer not to burn as bad this time around! I'm putting my Desitin on now and slicking down the lips! I need to clean my toilet so when I'm puking in it I don't get grossed out! There's also a recipe for the burn that's suppose to help, I need to get on that as well. Burn baby burn!

Anyways...

Hopeful

"Be hopeful, yes I am hopeful for today. 

Take this music, and use it let it take you away

and be hopeful, hopeful

and He'll make a way 

I know it ain't easy, but that's ok"

Look who's sneaking turkey from  the
roasting pan!

I survived Turkey Day. New found respect to women who have to do this shit every year, BIG UPS! This year was my first and having to navigate a 22 pound turkey, 20 pound ham, side dishes, ordering pies, making trifle two dogs, a husband, and 13 people was a little cray cray, but I got it done. I knew when I logged off I wasn't going to get to pass out like I wanted...I got sick, then woke up sick. UGH! I put on my sumo sized panties at 7 am and got to work. 

1. Javi helped me take the turkey out of the brine

2. I thoroughly washed it

3. Patted it dry

4. stuffed legs in culo and  wings in and let that shit bake on 300 for the next 4 and a half hours. 

5. Put cloves in ham intersections

6. Glaze with Orange Juice, Molasses, Honey, and Maple Syrup

7. Put on 325 for and hour and a half....for 20.

Back to turkey

8 Add butter and jack up to 375 to brown for 25 minutes

PERFECT FUCKING TURKEY. May I suggest the Apple and Spice bine from Williams Sonoma (order it in October, it always sells out for the season by the first week in November) and a box of their brining bags. I added Apple Cider to the brine as well as water and I do have to say, it was the most fragrant, seasoned, and juicy turkey I've ever eaten. How bad ass that I made it myself! Javi wants me to try out for Masterchef, he thinks my food is the bomb.com and while I'd LOVE to do it I ain't got time for that!

Mustering the strength to beat my face

After I placed it in the oven I needed a nausea pill big time, there were already bodily fluid casualties and I just couldn't afford to lose a battle on Thanksgiving. Those knock me out almost instantaneously so I was out until around 10ish. Mom came and saw I was groggy and 5 shades lighter lol and panicked. She was making the stuffing (I don't do bread that's wet) and the gravy for me to help out as well as clean up a little while I put the pre cloved ham in the oven (Thank God for double ovens). Javi vacuumed while watching the parade, dog show, and football. Best husband ever!

Love being aunt Viv to these munchkins!

I feel so pale. Ugh, I threw the wig on and a tunic dress (from Lulus) and hoped for the best! I was exhausted and really didn't want to host anyone I couldn't wear house shoes and sweats in front of, but my parents are some conservative people who INSIST on dressing for dinner, so that was out the window. Elisama next time no parents, just US some paper plates and as house shoes ok?! Because sometimes a girl just doesn't give a damn about how she looks and is over throwing a hot ass wig on when she'd just rather scarf it up. But we all know as the Pilgrims (thieving ass bastards) were raping and pillaging (farming and borrowing) land from the indigenous of this country and they shared that now famous First Thanksgiving you don't see a girl with a barf bag in tow, or a headscarf so I figured to mark this momentous day of "coming together just to eventually drive apart" a wig was my best option. 

Besides...my lil boyfriend was here and I couldn't look a hot mess for him! Love me some Esteban and Isa aka BEST KIDS EVA......that's why they were in our wedding :)

 Chemo means more shit,
puke, hot flashes, runny
noses, burning inside and out,
taste gone, bleeding
gumsfatigue, sore bones...BUT
Chemo means more birthdays..where
I can act a FOOL! 

So I am very hopeful considering everything that's going on. FIRST my tumor is smaller! So much to be thankful for there. The chemo seems to be working, I literally think I'm puking and or shitting the tumor out...SO BRING ON CHEMO PART DEUX I am ready to be rid of it! But I'm glad that I have been so full of hope to think WHY NOT ME instead of WHY ME. That whole "I can't believe this is happening to me" is just so not ME. If it is you, that's great, if it ain't you know what the hell I'm talking about. Shit happens to everyone, the good, the bad, to people who deserve it, and to people who don't. How you handle the situation really defines why what happened to you happened in the first place. There are no accidents in life, only situations where you can choose to make the best out of it. This situation sucks but has taught me a lot, now people know that

1. You can be healthy and get breast cancer at 30.

2. You should do self breast exams monthly.

3. If you have a family history fight your insurance company to start your screenings early. 35 is not early enough, in my case 30 wasn't, but it's a great starting point. 

4. Find out if you have dense breasts. Remember that density does not always equal size. This may require an x-ray, pay it, you want to know. The denser the boob, the harder the cancer is to catch. 

5. You should always have a savings, because you never know when you are going to need that shit!

While I started out taking about hope I really want to end with thanks. I am most thankful for my husband, my rock, my sexy wubby Javier. He's awesome and is as much in the struggle with me as I am. He cooks, he cleans, he has assumed my responsibilities, and he doesn't even know how much he's helped me. Thanks babe! Love ya! God he's so HOT!

I'm also thankful for BROWS!

Gobble Gobble

22 lbs of Butterball n' Brine Bitches!

I'm so sleepy! I spent the majority of the day yelling at Javier (not a joke). Well not yelling, just being frustrated...and bitchy. I'll admit it I was a bitch today. I have cancer, so there I get to be a card carrying member of the bitch girl club! Sorry Javi! <3 ya!

 This is our first Thanksgiving and I wanted everything to be perfect. It's not, but that's ok. I just didn't have any Xanax in my system today, so naturally I didn't realize that was ok when I should have. LOL. Posh pies were picked up, dogs were groomed, the house was swept, mopped, then swept again, then vacuumed (thanks to the Akita). Pumpkin gingerbread trifle was made, turkey had been brining (over 24 hours now), bathrooms cleaned. It's the calm before the storm. 

Side note....I MADE MY OWN WHIPPED CREAM. OMG everyone needs to make their own DON'T EVA EVA BUY IT IN A CAN AGAIN. Whipping cream goodness, I ate half of it in the stand mixer bowl. I made extra (on purpose) and I'm glad I did. There was barely enough for the trifle, but it was enough. 

So this is a short blog post. Today's weather report: Cloudy with a chance of shedding pubic hair, but as for right now, that's all I'm losing.  T minus one week until Chemo Infusion II aka C-Day 2 aka burn fest part deux. Very thankful for errybody...

but mostly for my BROWS!

HAPPY TURKEY DAY BITCHES!

Holy Inappropriateness

Getting Chemo...LIKE A BOSS

So let me just warn you, if you aren't a fan of context clues, it's about to go down. And by down, I mean way down...as in VAGINA! So I want to do a review on Chemo Cold Caps, you know, the sub zero helmet I use for 8ish hours  before, during, and after chemo. What it does is freeze the blood vessels/hair follicles in my scalp so that I can keep the majority of my hair. I don't think I can really do an accurate review until I'm done with my 6 treatments, but I will do a mini review after my next chemo session. With that being said two weeks after chemo I haven't noticed any changes to the top of my head, which is awesome...however...this post is about my other head.

I'm serious this shit is X rated, so turn the fuck around if you can't handle it!

<3 one of our first official photos when we were dating lol.
I had just hacked off my hair from boob length to shoulders

It's snowing pubic hair, hallelujah! Like errywhere! Well mostly in my tights/underwear/toilet so not quite errywhere. It feels like errywhere though. I say this as comically as possible, but like, not really. So yesterday I pull down my pants (and by pants I mean tights) to use the restroom. Low and behold, for some reason I have underwear on. Normally I go sans chones, but with the recent changes (surprises) in urinary and bowel function, I felt as if I needed an extra layer of support (protection). LOL. I laugh because that's all I can really do. Anyways. Apparently my spruce tree had lost some needles. Do spruce trees even have needles or are they technically leaves? Well what the fuck ever you know what I mean. Hmmm. Strange. I go to wipe...HAIR. Front door AND back door. Oh shit, it's really happening...my hair is falling out. There is some chemo that makes you lose your hair, and some that does not. Of the now four drugs am taking all of them make me feel like shit (literally) and one of them makes you lose ALL of your hair. I've been taking steps to preserve my brows, lashes, and of course hair hair, but as far as other regions well, I've been waiting it out. Well, the wait is over and I feel...anxious. Yes it's just down there and yes I used to spend 45 bones every 4 weeks ripping that shit off, well...having Corrie rip that shit off, but still. I thought the burn would be the worst side effect, but...I don't know...

Side Eye from the Queen B of shade

It's really coming out today, like...it's noticeable.  I'm scared to wash my hair because I'm worried to see hair going down the drain. Hell I'm scared to wash my kitty because I don't want to see it going down the drain either. I find myself getting up and running to the bathroom to see if I have any brows left, to see if I even have lashes, to see if I'm bald. This feels awful. The doctor said that the chemo I'm on impacts both heads, sometimes brows, sometimes lashes, sometimes hair on arms and legs. That's that bull. I'm not a girl that enjoys a full bush, but WTF not one time did she say upper lip hair or underarms. What do you mean sometimes legs? Why not ALL THE TIME LEGS? I mean this is CRAY. So recap, cancer will make me loose my tits, potentially (but hopefully not due to crazy freezing measures) my hair on my head, my hair on my snatch, my sanity, our savings, BUT NO MENTION OF UNDER ARM OR UPPER LIP hair. In fact, I plucked today! Facial hair is gripping to that follicle so hard that sometimes my Tweezerman throws in the towel! I looked under my arms, did a lil yank...SHIT IS STILL THERE! Not one hair came out. Comical isn't it. Major major side eye with a 100% chance of shade.

PS: I had diarrhea all day today, and boy did it BURN! My nose is runny runny runny! Fatigue...was bad. But on that note, I'm going out to finish up my Thanksgiving shopping...LIKE A BOSS. I made brine for my turkey that is gong to be submerged for 36 hours starting at 7pm!!

So that's my little inappropriate post of the day. St. Peregrine, along with the help of my Blessed Mother and My Lord and God please help me fight this...and keep this completely inappropriate sense of humor :)

Girl Talk and Dirty Laundry

Big UPS to Beth DV for the soup n' swag!
Vegan brownies rock my socks off!

But first, your daily cancer report. For all my people going through chemo some MUST HAVES include:

1. Baking soda/dilute mouth wash rinse several times a day.
2. HEAVY moisturizer for the face, I'm using Eminence Guava, it's super heavy. Moisturize often. My face is flake city! I'm looking into face oils from Sephora tomorrow.
3. Body butter, put one in every room and slather it on every hour on the hour...everywhere...and I mean everywhere. You will be dry!
4. Lip moisturizer. A lot. Put it in your nightstand, in your car, and your kitchen table. The corners of your lips are important. Your lips may burn, be prepared. MINE SCALDED! Do not pick at it either it makes it worse!
5. Coconut water and my ginger lemon water. Hydrate hydrate hydrate.
6. A friend named Beth to make you vegan brownies, teehee. Kym provides great entertainment too!

Gone with the WIND fabulous! TWIRL

7. Vitamin E cream/oil for your port scar, because that shit is ugly! Just because you have cancer doesn't mean you should accept the fact that you may scar!
8. Beer, for your husband lol :)
9. Desitin and baby wipes...use your imagination...also Vaseline works as well....for both ends
10. Really bad TV...because life could always be worse! You could have just found out that the man you've been with for YEARS just married some skank a few months ago!
11. Stay in front of the nausea/anxiety/pain and medicate medicate medicate.

Medicate now and worry about going to rehab later, that is totally my motto! Use responsibly, but DO USE. If you wait till the pain/nausea/pukes/whateva to kick in to take somthing it'll be TOO LATE!

12. Tights. Because everyone needs pants that are easy access and comfy. Also, don't wear underwear...what's the point? Gotta keep the nether regions as cool as possible, as dry as possible, and as airy as possible!

He can grill, but can he cook? Time will tell!

Sleeping meds are a must, along with anxiety pills. I totes missed a dosage today, so I was on edge all day long and there were casualties. This is war after all.  Even though the nausea meds make me tired for some reason I have issues getting comfortable at night (I take a nausea med in the morning, afternoon, and at night).  I think I'm having post traumatic stress from all the run ins with my toilet last week. LOL. I'm averaging about 6 hours, last night I went to bed past midnight because I couldn't get comfy (was also talking to myself), and I woke up around 8ish, I groggy, but I was up. I'm feeling nausea and fatigued today. Major fatigue. Going up and down the stairs poses a problem, but I've got to get over it because Thanksgiving is coming bitches! The turkey is defrosting and the ham is ready for cloves and a blow torch. Tomorrow morning I have to make brine, shop for groceries (that mom was suppose to help me do on Saturday, but she's not reliable....BIG SURPRISE THERE), and clean the downstairs.

Don't you hate when people tell you what to eat? OMG if you eat this you will feel so much better! Um no idiot, it's either going to get puked up or get shit up, but whichever end it's going to come out, it's going to come out for a vengeance! WOOOHOOOO 3 DAYS WITH NO PUKE! I think it's the acorn squash soup which is SOOOOOO YUMMY!

Like this, only my hair ain't WHITE! LOL

Today my hair started coming out, thankfully not from my head but from my kitty. Sigh, I have gotten Brazilian waxes for the last almost 4 years and now it's coming out for free 99. Every month I'd go see my girl and she's make me into a baby again both on my face and on my *ahem*. I felt freaked out to see it just come out, as if I was shedding like my Akita. I feel...nervous. I'm so anxious about my head...it sounds silly I know but I'm super scared and freaked out. Xanax is a must, no more going without because I'm going to need that shit to get me through the family/inlaws during the holidays. LOL

Javi's cooking dinner right now...it's so cute because you would think he was making fillet mignon lol,
but for all the women out there who do the majority of the cooking, hamburger helper is fillet mignon.....ok so no it's not. That's like saying grape juice is wine and it most certainly is NOT. Speaking of wine, I totally felt myself gulping more of the blood of Christ than usual on Sunday. Is it just coincidence or an absence of the sauce from my life causing me to OD on Jesus? I WILL NEVA' TELL!

Bitches drive me to drink. Now that's a lie,
I drive myself! NOM NOM NOM I miss
margarita Mondays :(

I'd like to get some thing off my chest...while I still have a chest to get things off of (rim shot!). I realize that my family and in laws may read this. I realize that you may be pissed, but I need you to know that it's not about you. You should be more supportive, but you're not. How quick have people (both friends and family) turned my situation into their situation. It's funny when someone tells you how bad they feel. It's straight up comical. Do you realize how foolish you sound, telling the person going through chemo how bad you feel?

 NEW RULE

 You don't get to tell me that....or my husband that. I can hear family/inlaws now...I can't believe you didn't tell us! WHY. Because you have been so supportive? Of Javi? Of me? Did you think I could trust you to help me pick out wigs? Or listen to me pouring out my soul when you've been so busy making things about you? I wish when my dad heard I had cancer he came back for my first chemo treatment instead of picking up my moms new Mercedes SUV from Florida. I wish he would call me to see how I'm doing. I wish my mom was on time to things...like my Mass for starters. I wish I meant more to you than showing up late when you live 5 minutes away. She felt bad she said, she was soooooooo sick she said. She thought she was going to have to go to the hospital she said. It's always like a competition, who feels worse. Well guess what, my hair is falling out, I've been burned from the inside out, it bleeds when I use the restroom or even brush my teeth. I WIN. You don't get to tell me what are my babies going to drink because I'm having both boobs cut off, you sound insensitive. As bad as what you're saying to me is, I know that my MIL and sisters would be worse, so you're off the hook there. I can't wait to start fielding questions from that side about why we are waiting to have kids...

How bout them mutha' fuckin' Cowboys!
A year ago we spent Thanksgiving with them
and Crown Royal. 

People also need to get off my husband, because I besides all of this he did lose his dad in March of this year unexpectedly right before we got married. I do realize some people think that it was more difficult
for them than him, but it's not. Work has been so difficult for him (merger/acquisition difficult), then staying up all night with me has been bad. I swear he wakes up through the night just to make sure I'm ok and not puking or hacking, or moaning in pain, he's so used to me not being ok. I feel bad because in T minus 8 days, he's got to go back to cleaning my puke...among other things. LOL I always told him I'd get him back for the drunken nights of having to pull over while on the highway to let him puke all over Highland Park...but didn't think it would be like this. If he doesn't answer the phone, or text you back, or acknowledge your presence, you need to get over that shit. You sound like a pussy. And like my older brotha' from anotha' mutha' Goldie says "ain't nobody got time for that!" The last thing he wants to do when he gets home is talk to anyone, cut him some slack. If you diss him I will cut your fucking head off...I'm that psycho of a wife.

So now that I've aired some of my laundry (is it dirty if it's true) what should you do with that? Well...be supportive. MORE supportive. Realize that it's not happening to you, it's happening to us. My family is of four. My dogs. My husband. Not you my parents, siblings, and friends. This isn't happening to you directly. If you are not going to be 100% supportive, here for the ride, then you just shouldn't be here. We don't need the kind of support where you are there one second and then gone the next...to the point where you don't even call of text. I'm sorry that my situation isnt' convenient to you, but the in and out is very hurtful. That's not ok. I have friends that text me every day from sun up to sun down and more than they know it, it helps me out. I like when they ambush me in my house, it forces me to be more positive and to keep things semi clean lol. I get cards from strangers, how cool is that. Ladies that don't even know me are cheering for me, praying for me. I like that, it's necessary, and it shows that you really give a damn. One thing that you don't see in the commercials (with the women holding hands and singing) is the people who turn their back on you when you need them the most. It happens when you have cancer, and it's a damn shame.

"If a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do.  Think up something appropriate and do it."

34F

Flax and Chia Seed +raw vegan goodies..
LIKE A BOSS

When you get diagnosed with IDC everyone is a professional. Like.....seriously. That's one of the reasons I've kept things so DL, because people say the stupidest of shit. I just have to get down to the heart of the matter because I'm like busting at the seems...like literally my port incision looks like it's going to bust open lol. Not all chemo is created equal. There are many a different treatment, like really there isn't just ONE chemo drug, there are multiple, with multiple side effects. When you ask me the day after I get chemo whether or not I'm going to be at work because your neighbors mamas sisters cousins friend had chemo and worked the whole time you sound like a straight up DICK. You know what, you're right! I should be at work right now....my 'ol fatigued nauseous ass is just faking. Ugh I already feel like I told one too many people you know? Now I have to hear this stupid ass shit on the regular!

Why am I not having surgery first? That's what that lady from TV did. Well, because they kind of sort of want to kill everything first before they take off both of my tits. It's not surgery for a nose job. It's not an in an out, simple procedure. BILATERAL MASTECTOMY BITCHES. If you haven't gotten one, please STFU just STFU because you sound sooooooooooooooooooo stupid and insensitive. I'm 30 and losing 34F's. 6 rounds of psycho killer chemo, plus removal of both my breasts, plus expanding of my new breasts, plus new breasts. That's a whole lot of shit right there...and it's actually the norm for a 30 year old with IDC.

 Last night was the first night in a week and a half I didn't vomit/shit/feel nausea all night long. I know you were happy to get all that sleep Javi! My gift to you boo! <3 ya. This morning was only the second morning that I haven't woken up feeling like shit. Thanks be to GOD! Today I thought I was going to have the bull by it's ass! Woke up: LIKE A BOSS, ordered pies for Thanksgiving from that posh overpriced pie shop in the Bishop Arts District: LIKE A SNOBBY BOSS, felt good: LIKE A BOSS, ate grass and berries: LIKE A VEGAN BOSS, went to moms house to help with paella shopping: LIKE A BOSS.....

Thanks to the men in my life for helping me out!
Look at my wine on the counter...sigh. WINE!

wait....noon hits...ugh no longer a boss. Less than boss, total un boss. I felt bad, I was headed up to the job to visit with some of my friends, then get my lashes did (sigh, may be my LAST lash fill till Feb...depending on whether the big T fucks with my lashes). I walked into Holly's and she was like giiirrrrllllllll you ok?! She took care of me though and I walked out feeling much better than when I walked in. I think it was the chair!

Truth be told....I didn't take ALL my nausea meds this morning...because they take the little energy I have and don't make me feel very good at all. I thought I'd be ok without them...but I wasn't. I take about 10 pills a day to "function normally" but I'm not really functioning lol. I hate taking pills and really wanted to get some things done today. If you haven't been there, it's difficult to understand. The meds make you feel "better," but it comes at a cost. I can take them and not have it coming out of both ends, but as a result I'm exhausted and can't do much....or I can go without and feel bad every 30 minutes with 5-10 minute spurts of feeling good...yet still be exhausted! It is what it is. As soon as I got home I took the rest of my meds and promptly knocked out to the sounds of the Texas 34 degree rain as my 100 plus pound Akita farted his heart out. Ugh, he's so cute, but my big man can cause quite a stink!

Wrecking Ball

My nurse last night

Sweet Sassy Molassy do I have a lot to say. First, I feel like shit. Second, I feel like shit. I went to the oncologist yesterday for a checkup and my exact words were "Dude,  I didn't think it would be this bad." I hobbled in that motherfucker. LIKE HOBBLED IN! The receptionist (who also has cancer) was like uh oh, one of those days huh? Bitch YES! It's actually been one of those weeks.  She was nice enough to get me a much more posh barf bag contraption in case the proverbial shit hit the fan in the waiting room. Thank GOD no other patients were there yet! So for the last two nights all hell has broken loose. Poor Javi was up with me practically all Tuesday night. I honestly didn't think I had anything else to give the porcelain Gods, when in doubt, YOU DO HAVE SOMETHING ELSE TO GIVE. He was so tired the next morning he thought he dreamt/sleep walked the whole thing. Haha, no boo, this nightmare is real you  did see your new wife pull an exorcist reenactment in the bathroom!

All you chicks singing Miley's Wrecking Ball in your car, you have no idea. Chemo is the mother of all wrecking balls, and it burns you from the inside out. I think that I could recover from an Anderson Silva knockout, better/faster than this. So now, to yesterday.

So aside from the regurgitation and shit (from grad school language to the streets, sigh), my blood work looked good! The tumor has lost some of it's size, it feels flatter, and has been harder to find. It started out 2cm and she's aiming to have it GONE before surgery. Before I literally could feel it without looking so to speak, yesterday the doctor had to go searching for it. All this craziness has been worth it! My next infustion is in two weeks and they are going to add another chemo to the list, so I'll be taking 4 meds instead of 3. Last chemo infusion day is 2/13/14. Happy day before Valentine's Day to me!

MEH!

So I was prescribed 3 nausea medications, one of which that starts with an O that came with a huge disclaimer *Will Cause Headaches.* Ummm BYE FELICIA. I get really bad migraines as it is, and didn't want to add that to the mix. Well turns out that's what I had during my first chemo infusion so I took the leap and felt so much better. I was even able to sleep a little in the afternoon. My sister came over and we tried on wigs, talked to some shit, then went to Whole Foods and Trader Joes to get some essentials. I dropped her off at my psycho ass parents house, then came home to Javi who had been wondering where I was at! Still felt great! Took three bites of Chipotle, still felt great. Watched Preachers of LA (idiotic show), took my meds, went to sleep.

Then it got real in the San P master bedroom around 4am. LAWD! Javi called from the bedroom and all I could think was, poor guy, another night of not enough sleep? NO WAY! So I told him all was good. Hunter (our 4 year old Akita)  followed me into the bathroom and I figured I'd be ok that if things got bad and I like passed out or something he'd go get Javier. So I basically threw up everything I ate in the last 72 hours that I didn't evacuated out the hole! It was bad! You know when you basically have to submit to the sphincter muscles that send that crap north and just realize that you have to brace yourself because it's coming and you have to keep yourself up as long as it lasts. It lasted a damn while. After I was done I just sat down and laid my head against the wall...I do the same thing when I'm hungover! Sigh, when I USED to be hungover. I MISS YOU WINE! Another blah night! NOOOOOO!

So I was able to get a little more sleep, then move myself from the bed to the couch. Clinging to it for dear life, drinking my ginger water to stay hydrated, and um, you know....MEH! I wanted to go grocery shopping for Thanksgiving today....NOT going to happen. Tomorrow will be a better day, IT WILL! Until then, hopefully no more vomit rain! I'm cautiously optimistic.

Update:

Things that make me vomit: errythang
Things that give me diahrrea: errythang
Mouth: less sore, taste is back
Lips: less chapped
Stomach: a hot ass mess
Hair: Still on my head, and everywhere else for that matter
Feeling: really fatigued, but still gangsta!

Oh chemo "All you ever did was, wreck me" but that's the way it goes. Peace and peace!

Boob Chica Confessions

I am in so much trouble with Javier right now! Today was a really meh day. I woke up with chapped lips (like I've been skiing the Alps for the last week with no sun screen prevention chapped), my throat felt like strep, and everything from mouth to toes burned. Well not toes, but it's too early in the blog entry to get graphic...not really, but I'm trying to turn over a new leaf!

Me on our honeymoon. The resort was happy to see me
leave, I was eating them out of HOUSE and HOME!

So back to why I'm in trouble. Ugh, I woke up feeling bad so Javi didn't push me to go jogging....UM DUDE THAT IS NOT WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT YESTERDAY! I was groaning and moaning all day, so when my face lit up when I was talking about Pluckers (if you went to UT, you know Pluckers), my hubby took the bait. Pluckers is the reason I gained 28 pounds my freshmen first SEMESTER. Yes, I said FIRST SEMESTER! So what I'm basically trying to say is that I'm addicted to food....and drink. Yes, I am suppose to be eating only chloro-phylled  (tee hee I made a science funny) organic grass fed dandelions, but when you have been puking and shitting (ok I totes lied about the new leaf) FO' DAYZ the light at the end of the tunnel was a sauce drenched teriyaki wing. Three (or was it four) to be exact.

I'm dreaming of a MOJITO!

Sorry................I'm not sorry

But I will be in a short period of time, you better BELIEVE THAT! So Javi gave me a talking to, sigh, he's so cute when he's laying down the law! He told me after the wings are done it's healthy ONLY for me! So that was my confession for today. I ATE WANGZ! LOL. Tomorrow I can't wait to wake up to that green smoothie you are going to make me boo! I'm going to suck that bad boy down like a mojito from my fav restaurant in Manhattan. NOM! So, that's really all.

No I lied, it's not! I see my fav mayor got stripped of his duties today. That really makes me sad :( First, I wasn't aware that mayors had any official "power" so to speak other than being the official ribbon snipper, first convertible in the town parade, and a lil government cash at their expense that they could use at their disposal and then lie about needing more lol. Leave him there, he makes me laugh! Since my home town of Toronto did that I am forced to get all of my amusement from Bravo and Love and Hip Hop NY. Why did it take cancer for me to discover this show? Lord, it's a mess!

Sigh, back to cancer. I'm hoping for a better day tomorrow.

Stats: Less pukey today, nausea like a mofo, IT BURNS BATMAN, back door blah, my skin feels tender, hair in tact (washed it today, took forever), my body is getting used to the port FINALLY (Scheanna is no longer the baddest bitch), and of course, the chapness is REAL. Sense of humor is kicking, I may be down but I'm not out =)

Peace and empanada grease! Oh and green smoothie bottoms up!

PS: "I don't like food I love food, if I don't love it, I don't SWALLOW!" Sigh, going to have to abandon my Ratatouille slogan for a little bit :)

Big UPS to all my Luvas!

Thanks for the slippers Kym

Just got home from church/football Sunday food shopping (I may be down, but I'm not out) and I  feel the need for a Mass shout out.

 <insert visual of Boob Chica, holding boob Oscar, in Oscar speech voice here>

I'd like to kick a shout out to all my supporters out there! Javi, Mom/Dad, Patty, Mita (my mean lips sister), Richie Rich aka Goldie Loc aka Great White Hope, Kym, Angelique, Akon, my Prince of Peace Catholic Church family, my coworkers, Shelbs, Lori (the survivor), The Ku Family, the Aleman-Ward Family, Fr. Tom, Fr. Marco, and anyone else that I may have forgotten or I don't even know that's out there in my corner. I am extremely grateful for your well wishes, prayers, thoughts, cards, donations, etc, etc, etc. Fr. Tom was notified of my biopsy and prayed with me and I let Fr. Marco (please check him out, he's so AWESOME and he's young :) in on the results and he anointed me this morning. For all you Catholics out there, it's called the Anointing of the Sick, made me feel strongaaaaa!

Not bad for 3 days post chemo, but who am
I kidding...this shit is embarrassing!

     We went to 8AM Mass (which in itself is an act of God), didn't want to run into my kiddos (I'm a children's catechist....don't look so surprised and I know they have been missing me!), and answer questions. My group this year is the most inquisitive EVA and rather than just sit there and go over the usual catechism, I take time out to answer their questions. I get so many good ones from "Who goes up and who goes down," to "What is leprosy?" I'm the kind of gal who likes to stop what she's doing and just answer them. It's the most enjoyable! Kids should always be the ones to drive learning. Anyways, I'm trying to avoid out of areas with a lot of people, trying to stay as healthy as possible. My days have been good and bad. Yesterday was the best day yet! I woke up feeling a little better than ok so I took full advantage.

I worked out

He's FIRED! He is too cute to
work out anyways!

Before you start hatin' (LOL) I talked to my doctor and she said that working out was fine, just NOT in a gym (where all the germs live). I had been on week 4/5ish of Couch to 5k two weeks ago and kicking some serious ass. I simply started over at week 1 day 1 to start slow. I was going to go with my friend Celi, but was worried that I would embarrass myself, start puking, etc. I have a rep to maintain, don't want my street cred to vanish! It was HARD, man that fatigue had me by the proverbial balls, but I made it. My partner on the other hand, who has been fired, held me back at the very end. I'm trying to do it three days a week... trying. After the workout I felt good.....then bad....then fatigued like a mofo, then fine as I talked it up with Kym. I was even down for seeing UFC GSP (OOOOOOO CAAAANADDAAA), but then the meh feeling came back. Javi gets so worried. I think he's worried about me being out and then puking everywhere! Poor thing lol. We ended up just staying home and watching Monsters University. Cute movie.

My new margarita!

So how chemo works (for those of you that don't know) is that it basically kills errythang. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Most people when they think of chemo they think of hair loss and puking. As I talked about in my previous post, it's a whole lot of poop too! LOL. The burning, unfortunately, has not subsided. Just call me Katniss Everdine THE GIRL ON FIRE! I expect to feel the pukey/poopy/nausea for the next couple of days, but it is evident now that fatigue is definitely the hardest side effect of all. As my doctor said, you'll start to feel better right before your next session! I appreciate her honestly, but what a bitch ass thing to say lol! I am tired, yet cannot sleep, it's really not my fav. My poor gums are sore, I try to rinse with diluted mouth wash a couple of times a day to help out. Other than that, I'm ok. Still have my sense of humor. OMG speaking of humor BIG UPS to the mayor of Toronto for crack(ing) me up. He's a hotter mess than me right now! Bwahahaha, I've got plenty to eat at home, ol inappropriate ass! As for my eating, it is touch and go. The green smoothies are cool and taste ok (lesbihonest, it's not Jamba Juice). I craved chocolate so bad the other day, had a small piece and felt disgusting! I had my mom chop up lemon and half of a ginger and put it in one of those huge vats of water. The water with infused ginger and lemon REALLY DID and has helped me with my nausea. Forget pills and just stick to ginger fellow pink ribbon ladies!

Well, that's really it from here. Gearing up for football Sunday here! GO COWBOYS! lol, I kid, we are on a bye...no disappointments in Dallas today :) Thanks for everything!