I Just Got Hit

Engagement pic from a year ago..

By a train...called chemo.

 I feel so exhausted and I've never felt like this post chemo before. I had to take a nap! LAWD why did I admit that. My infusion went fast. They were pouring it into me like I was a glass and chemo was the tequila. OH I WISH! I have two more left but uggghhhhhh it's taking it's toll. I post less, I leave the house less, and I'm a hot ass mess. Totally loving the repetition of the last consonant sounds s lol.  I've managed to lose a debit card, a gold paint pen,some thank you cards and a wedding card under the front seat of my car while on my way to the post office. WHO DOES THAT? What's even crazier is no matter how much I contort my body, I can't reach it. I can see it, but I can't get to it. That's some fuckery if I've ever seen it. I don't even want to tell Javier...because he'll laugh at me. Then get it for me, but I don't want him to know that his wife isn't capable of reaching under the damn seat of her car. HE KNOWS NOW! lol

I haven't had the energy to grocery shop. It's like all the energy I had, left me on Saturday night :( An hour and a half of "normalcy" (sitting down and watching people dance) really cost me big time.

Go Cowboys......uh....never mind!

 There's a storm a' brewing and I'm thinking vomit and diarrhea along with serious bone pain are in my future. Operation avoid the pain has now commenced.

This will be a quick post seeing that I'm already in the midst of a shit storm and it's a totally category 5.

If I say anything that you remember let it be this:

If you feel like something is wrong...go to the doctor. If the doctor feels like nothing is wrong yet the pain doesn't go away, seek a second opinion. A 250k degree and a six figure job doesn't mean shit against Google, Web MD, and genetics. I'm not saying turn into a hypochondriac, I'm saying listen to your body. These women in the chemo infusion room are so real I can't stand it. So glad my Dr. didn't think my age completely ruled me out of having breast cancer.

Why is it in this country you get a medal for being tough and enduring the pain, but at times that medal comes at the cost of a wooden box that ends up six feet under. Why is the person who fights on the battle field (or in the chemo room for that matter) only worth something when they're gone? Notice that everyone supports the troops (or breasties) when they fall, but who will support them while they stand? Why is hard work/success measured by the hours we spend away from our home and loved ones and not by the time we spend with each other? Why is it a sign weakness and incompetence running to the doctor 15 minutes after your contract time ends? 15 minutes before? In the middle of the day? When you have a sick child? When did our work become more than important than our life? I will always have a reason to smile because people always give me a reason to laugh....for better and for worse.


Fact: Cancer sucks, my body will never be the same (and that's ok). I'm exhausted, my joints ache, and I can't type as well as I used to. NO I DON'T PROOF READ I'M EXHAUSTED! SORRY! NOT SORRY! That's ok to me, but not to others. Lucky for me I don't mind and they don't fucking matter. But I will no longer put the needs of others in front of my own or in front of my husband. I deserve more than that. I won't let someone give me more so they can do less. I won't associate myself with people who don't value me, in the work place or in my personal life. God did not put me on this Earth for that, to be a slave to the whims of others. Moses broke free of that so that I wouldn't have to. "I want to be the girl who walks in the sun," this girl just wants to have fun.

Night Felicia


UGH I'M FAT