Well

Hospital stripper pole practice

It's been a while...too long really. Things have been CRAZY. Last I left you I was well, working out, trying to deal with my back issues from my car accident though physical therapy and acupuncture and patiently waiting for my tits. I also got the mother of all bladder infections. Sweet sassy molassy that urethra burn is no joke!

July 9-tit day came

Tit day went

I started have chest pains...like really painful the last few days of June. I didn't think anything of it, figured I'd hit it too hard at the gym. Well when the pain started getting worse and my breathing was affected I called my onc's office. She casually told me to make my way to the ER. I didn't panic, figured it was indigestion or something...because with me it's always gastrointestinal distress...lol! Echo came back normal but they wanted a chest x ray, blood tests, and potentially a scan with contrast. I knew some shit was up when they told me they were wheeling me in for that scan...doctor comes in, you have a blood clot in your lung and we have to go ahead and fuck your world up and have you stay in the hospital for five days. Ok so he didn't say it like that, but he basically let me know my reconstruction would not be happening....spare me the omg at least they found it before and blah blah blah. Let me wallow in titless bullshit for a while ok.

Goofing off in the cardio ward with the hubs

For those of you that have been reading you know I have been boobless since March and have been looking forward to not being boobless anymore. They rescheduled my reconstruction for the end of August, pending an ok scan. It  must be smaller my pain is minimal and my trouble breathing is non existant. I guess those shots to the beeellllaaayyyy did the trick. Yes...injections in my fucking belly of blood thinners and PILLS. Ugh, so bad with pills. So damn bad I'm just now getting around to taking today's blood thinner.

Whoops

This shit sucks.

So bad I bit a bitches head off in the store...so sue me.

Keeping it Together Through the big C

This picture to my left was taken a little over a year ago in the Cathedral Shrine of the Virgin of Guadalupe in Dallas. Yes, us Catholics love our long church names! So just in case time lines aren't your thing and math isn't your strong suit

We were married April 6th, 2013
I was diagnosed November 3rd, 2013

Like who the fuck does that? Really? Who gets diagnosed with breast cancer 7 months after they get married. Well if you ask me only the totally awesome people do! Ha! God my ass in that dress...perfection! I think Kim K saw me in my dress and mantilla veil and wanted to get her some of that. At least that's what I'm going to tell myself.

So here are a list of the things we did to keep things relatively smooth during our first year of marriage and through our cancer diagnosis, because in a marriage you don't do things solo.

1. Keep it light. Cancer is hard enough, why make it harder? We tried to do the things that were fun (that I could still do) like watching movies at home, netflix marathons, and sporting events. I remember having fight night and just laying down on the couch! Just because you are faced with a life threatening illness DOES NOT mean the fun or laughing should stop. Remember your limitations and maintain a healthy lifestyle. And for the love of Pete LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH!

2. Remember that cancer does not just effect you. Give your spouse the time they need to ask questions and talk about it as well as give them space and time to cope. My spouse and I came up with a plan for him to have a guys night right before my next dense chemo (aka before shit got real). This gave him a chance to get out of the house, hang out with his friends, talk about guy shit, talk about me, and just have a sense of normalcy.

3. Keep up your appearance. Damn as I type that sounded so damn silly. It does, I mean it SOUNDS silly but it doesn't. I couldn't get facials, my face was literally falling apart, but as I lost lashes I continued to get eyelash extensions. As I lost brows I Learned how to paint them on. Eventually, when I lost all of my brows and lashes three weeks after my last chemo I learned how to glue on strips. Looking good helps you feel good, feeling good makes you happy, happy wife happy life!

4. Let your spouse continue with as many normal activities as possible. Work and gym are two things that were essential to the hubby maintaining his level of happiness, so he would do his thing. Now after chemo when we both gained about 30 pounds we also teamed up to lose it together. There are two many women that become complacent with their weight after cancer. Extra poundage only leads to an unhealthy life and I wasn't about to let this speed bump fuck us up in the future.

5. Try to leave the house as much as possible. I remember after round 3 us going to birthday party. I was so excited I put on the last remaining pair of tights that actually fit, getting my makeup done at MAC, putting on a wig and just having fun. He drank and ate, I focused on not passing out at the table or puking and we had a nice normal night out. Shit I even won $200 in a dance of....really who loses to the girl that's going through chemo! Those other chicks should have been so ashamed! So the long of the short is, once in a while go out and try to have a little fun!
*Stay away from areas with poor air circulation that are germ ridden!

6. Have people help with cooking, grocery shopping, and cleaning. Eventually I hit the point where I could do none of the above and the house really suffered. Cleaning for a Reason is an organization that offers a complimentary maid service once a month for four months. Also my mom was a huge help with cleaning, cooking, and grocery shopping. Friends also dropped off meals, that was very much appreciated. My hubby also would spend a few hours on the weekend doing laundry and keeping up the house. It was hard but we made it!

7. Show as much appreciation when you can. I remember those nights I was up all night...which led him to be up all night. I felt so bad! Times where I would yell for help from the bathroom only to have him find puke everywhere. You have GOT to remember to truly appreciate and thank your spouse for this. I remember after chemo was over giving him a "we survived chemo," gift. He really deserved those Beats by Dre and while they were pricey, it was a token of my appreciation and a thanks for cleaning up my puke and other bodily fluids gift that he will no doubt enjoy! Kind words, texts, cards, and letters are equally as important. Don't forget, you are not in this alone.

8. When I started to feel better (two and a half months after my last chemo I started making it through the day without two naps....FACT) I started doing some light cleaning and cooking. I think he really appreciated his planned lunches and dinners for work, as well as snacks. It's important that when able, to return to some bit of normalcy. I used to do it before so I started it up again. Make sure not to over do it!

9. Date nights need to continue, even if they are at home. Whether it's just a walk around the block (or even just four houses down), a takeout dinner, or a relaxing bubble bath make sure that you make time together. No electronic devices, no texting, no facebooking, just the two of you talking about none cancer related stuff. How was your day? OMG did you hear about Kimye? Can you believe it's going to snow this week? NORMAL SHIT! Not about how your right drain is 50cc's or how your incision is oozing. There is a time and place and make sure it's not all chemo/cancer/no titty talk all the time. SERIOUSLY!

10. Last, but certainly not least, even though you are going through this time you must remember that time DOES NOT stand still. You won't get these days back and you must fake it till you make it. Holidays, they will happen. Birthdays, they will happen. Beautiful days, they will happen....hopefully! As these sunbursts of joy happen be sure to realize them and celebrate them. I've read of countless people shutting down during the big C, don't waste your days being sad, not decorating, not celebrating, not smiling. It's not worth it. You won't get these days back. I remember during chemo being so sick but still adamant that the Christmas decor needed to be up. Frantically making sure that Thanksgiving went off without a hitch was very important. Don't become a recluse, you are still here, make the most of this shitty situation. Keep the faith and the strength, days will be hard but mind over matter. You can do what you allow yourself to do. If you allow yourself to be happy, you'll be happy. If you insist on being sad you'll be miserable and your spouse will be miserable too. And hun ain't nobody got time for that!

The best part about being diagnosed with cancer at 30 (and yes there are countless positives) is that you truly realize the importance of living life to the fullest. So do it dammit! Keep it fun, keep it light, realize that shit (both figurative and literal) and puke happens and just keep it rolling. Yes times will be hard, yes times will be filled with sorrow but as long as it ain't chemo you will be fine!

Patience and a whole lot of Pee

Flash back Friday! Right after I cut my hair!

 So after a little boost I've decided to make a regular appearance on my blog, keep up better with my instagram (@boobchica) and possibly start vlogging on YouTube. The vlogging will come in a month or two, I will keep you posted. There comes a time when a 31 year old girl realizes that she needs to get the word out about feeling the tits on the regular. Also gynecologists tend to dismiss us youngin's because "Women in their 20s and 30s don't get breast cancer." Whateva Felicia!

So I work (or worked, but will be back there again) in a field that requires a lot of patience, and by a lot I mean a naval fleet load of patience. I have always considered myself to be a pretty patient person, because let's face it, us Caribbean folk are NEVER really in a rush to do anything. Well that's completely changed now that I've gotten and beaten the big C. Patience is nonexistent in my world right now, in fact chemo brain even made me forget how to spell the damn word (is it an e or an a? Gosh I don't give two fucks!). Most likely it's the fatigue that makes me less accommodating or patient, but whatever it is I'm pretty sure that Xanax is the cure. I KID. Not really. So what had happened was......

Mom took me to vote after my physical therapy appointment on Wednesday. I'm having some serious pain as a result of a car accident (OMG did I mention that here, hubby please remind me I don't have the patience to go back and read!). My L something and C something on my spine is jacked, as well as my pelvis and neck....EXACTLY what I didn't need right now. Anyways, MY NECK....MY BACK.... (you know the song). So I post chemo post accident post physical therapy waddle into my local library for early voting (I'm never last minute when it comes to voting). UGH, I hate voting in primary/run offs in my conservative town because they look at you with the fire of 1,000 hells when they ask you if you would like a D ballot or an R ballot, and you respond by saying "D." Please, as if you didn't realize I was a Democrat by looking at my crazy ass! So anyways, she was quite perturbed to find not one, but two democrats (I get it from my mama) in her midst and she nearly lost her shit. Like I'm so serious, she was rude. She asks me if I have ID (ha, of course I do bitch, your law didn't prevent me from exercising my right as a naturalized citizen), and I rip that sucker out, with my hyphenated middle and two last names....muahahahaha, americanos HATE when we do that. So I sign, get my ballot card and got to the machine. REPUBLICAN pops up. Ugh, of course it does. "Ma'am, I don't have the correct ballot could you help me." I thought that sounded nice. I figured my head scarf, growing back side burns, and lack of lashes and brows would HELP her make the decision to be pleasant. Boy was I wrong. NO, YOU HAVE THE RIGHT ONE THERE.  

Cheers to all my haters!

Sigh,

Pet peeve number 8,647, people not looking before they tell me I'm wrong. Before I pull rank and flash my three fancy university degrees in front of her plastic caked up face I respond again PLEASANTLY, "It doesn't seem to be correct, I need a D ballot and well none of the people on here are members of my political party." Shit, why did I use the D, now a crowd of R's are circling around me telling me that I'm wrong and they are right. This is where Boob Chica lacks patience and any sense of decorum, "Really, if it's correct then why is my screen filled with a bunch of douche bag liars? I'm not interested in voting for any of those people, get me another card." It was in that moment that they realized that they fucked with the wrong one.

Instantly given another card, another booth, casted my D vote and grabbed not one but TWO I VOTED stickers! HA!

I should not have lost my shit, and before IDC I would have never done that, but why do people always have to push the girl who has no tits, no brows, no damn lashes, and an inch of sideburns? LIKE REALLY? Would it kill you to be pleasant? YA BITCH! 

So the long of the short is, I have no patience, I have earned the right to have no patience, and all the Xanax in the world will probably not stop me from losing my shit. Am I the only one? Is every breastie out there one ignorant situation away from going postal? Sigh, my new normal keeps things quite interesting! 

Speaking of interesting my water retention situation has been cray, I am still holding onto some which requires me to take Lasix and pee pee pee. Ugh, I feel like I'm going through a Sams Club package of Charmin every month! I almost didn't make it twice last night and I probably got up about 8 times. I need to take my pee pill in the morning so that I can be lighter and hopefully sleep through the night without peeing. What happens when I skip my water pill, (I mean wrack my chemo brain to remember if I took it or not), the cankles come back, and they come back fast and with a vengeance! The joys of finding balance in a post chemo/cancer/crazy/titless/browless world! Or as I like to say less hair and more pee.

Fa Fa Fa Fa FATIGUE

Ok, so I don't want to neglect my blog now that the heavy shit is done (EVEN THOUGH I DON'T THINK ANYONE IS READING!), because let's be real, when you have cancer the heavy shit is never done, even when you kick that suckers ass. Truth is, I've been in a funk. Less talking, less texting......why? I'M FREAKING SO TIRED!! Like I barely sleep, the energy I have I save for working out or just basic things like walking down the stairs. It hit me, my life has changed and this weaker version of my former self is really getting on my last nerve!Let's talk about the joys of post chemo post cancer post bullshit life shall we?

1. You do not go back to normal, your life a new normal. What does that mean? I can't do P90X and them do Zumba right after like a fucking psycho like I use to. Yes, I use to do two hour work outs 4-5 days a week with no problem. Sweat errywhere!

2. Your lucky if you can get down to your pre chemo size two months after dense chemo all the while fighting water retention and diet chemo (aka herceptin) bullshit. Herceptin makes me pukey and retain water...it sucks sweaty ballz.

3. I almost cried after 3 minutes of T25 modified....Angelique, you my friend are a badass, I am a weak ass. I will revisit T25 in a 3 weeks.

4. I cried during Couch 2 5k because I struggled so bad on Day 1. Yes DAY 1! Even when I was fat and out of shape I never struggled through day 1.  My whole body can barely walk let alone run. I promised myself that even if I could only jog and a snails pace that I was going to do this come hell or high water. 3 days a week, 9 weeks till running for 30 minutes straight, come HELL or high water!

5. I finished a 1 hour Zumba class at LA fitness....YES BITCHES, I'm back!!

So fatigue is one of the worst symptoms, think laziness only with a reason for the laziness. It's hard to do anything, clean the house, cook, or work out without having the overhelming desire to burst out crying, throw a damn tantrum, and get in bed. I kinda threw one on Saturday, I was tired I didn't want to do anything, then Javi reminded me that fatigue is still better than chemo. True, oh so true. I do not miss my ass and throat being on fire, and he does not miss those projectile vomiting exorcist times AT ALL! So am I better, YES....but I'm not really "better." I'm working my way back to better. If that makes any sense.

So juicing is done.....YES...even though I did juice today. My breakfasts all week except for on Sunday are normally juice or almond milk. I went grocery shopping today and for $68 I was able to buy a 95% organic menu.

Chicken cutlets (organic)
chicken tenders (organic)
ground turkey (organic)
fruit (organic)
veggies (organic)
beans (organic)
quinoa (organic)
quinoa based pasta (organic)
almond milk (organic)
cream of mushroom
cream of chicken
low fat cheese

This is more than enough food and fruit to get us through a week of juicing and healthy eating. I tend to eat less meat than Javi, in fact I probably have 2-3 servings of meat (chicken, fish, turkey, beef) a week. I don't really crave it and when I do eat it, it's not more than 4oz. I prefer beans as a source of protein, they are easy on my stomach and super super healthy. To me the bang for the buck is awesome, and Javi loves his healthy options: Pizza rollups (chicken) with marinara and quinoa pasta, healthy chicken tetrazini, and salmon patties with mexican style rice and a tomatillo salsa. The salmon patties are from Trader Joes and I got them two weeks ago.

The healthy eating has given me more energy, but only enough to feel 50% of what I felt before....ugh. It's an improvement and I will take it anyway I can!

So that's all for now, I'm soooooooo sleepy and can't see straight. MEH!

Fast Forward

ME, now, with no lashes! LOL Still look FAT! 

Ugh. Not like a bad ugh, just a things aren't happening as fast as I need them to ugh. My body is taking a LONG TIME to heal, and I mean like LONG. I'm not talking about my incision, that is coming along nicely I'm talking my body as a whole. The fatigue is KILLING ME!!! It's better but it's still MEH! I also still can't lift my arms all the way back which is annoying. My range of motion is more advanced than where I should be (according to my onc), but STILL.

I also got bitch slapped this morning with the news that my foob surgery isn't until June 27th. Apparently I have to wait 3 months after my double mastectomy. Um no, I want them now. I don't want to wait a month and a half to get knocked on my ass...AGAIN! Positive I will not be sore from my boobs for Lizzy's wedding, negative, I will not have my boobs for Lizzy's wedding. Either way, it sucks!

Nipple reconstruction will most likely be in August.

SOOOOOOOOOO let's talk SILICON GEL PEOPLE!! My implant will be 800cc's, dome shaped and they are HUGE! Even the hubs was like DAAAYYYYYYUUUUUUMMMMMM all for me? Yes they are boo! Hopefully the next month and a half fly by.

Another positive (that I failed to mention because I'm meh today) is that I will have more time to tone my body and lose weight. I'm about 14 pounds from where I want to be (which is crazy good) so I need to start doing a little more. I probably will start 5K training now. Even though I wanted to start this last month with my double I wasn't allowed to do ANYTHING! Now I can do a little more and hopefully can push through the pain. T25 here I come! I can do anything for 25 minutes right? Javi this is going to be our next challenge after juicing. LEEGGGGOOOO!

Highlight of my week.

I was able to do a mini load of laundry and clean the bathroom. So what if it took me like 5 hours, that's normal....right?

Diet chemo.....puke puke pukerella

Onc said I lost weight and that I am just slightly overweight now....UGH

Fake boob feel up

Thank God for grapefruit in season, it's delish!

Best advice I have for those trying to lose the chemo weight/get healthy after chemo is to BE PATIENT. It will come off, fast then slow, but stick with it. Juicing has helped but eating right and exercising will help me lose more and maintain.

#girlbye

Pre chemo weight bitches...but not really

GOOD LAWD I weigh less than I did before I started chemo! Funky chicken dance, twerk twerk twerk, and drop it like it's hot...WOOOHOOOOO!

But not really

I remember in September/October my clothing starting to fit me tight, which was weird. I mean I was eating crap, but not all the time, and was quite active. One day I stepped on the scale and in the matter of two weeks I had gained 10 pounds. WTF WTF WTF. I know now that was my body fighting my cancer. So did I lose all my weight, kinda sorta. I still have 7 pounds to go to be satisfied. I am happy with the progress and can't wait to start EATING my fruit instead of drinking it. I'm also enjoying educating myself on the raw lifestyle. I won't do it every day, but I'm aiming for 3-4 days a week.

Here's to your health. Richard are you juicing?

PS: Javi has lost 26 pounds and is looking sexy as hell, can't wait for the doctor to clear me for physical activity, WHAT WHAT!

Chemo and the Scale

So many breasties at the beginning of their diagnosis are terrified of that unknown. Will I stay or will I go. I don't want to lose my hair. I don't want to lose my breasts. The cancer patient (in everyones eyes) is always pale, hairless, and skinny. Trying to turn a negative into a lemon drop martini as I always do, I thought FUCK, I may lose some hair, and I will lose my tits, but hell I'LL ALSO LOSE SOME WEIGHT! Um NO! Let me dispell a huge fucking rumor.

Chemo #1-weight unchanged. After puking (moderate) and diarrhea (severe) I was shocked I wasn't down 10 pounds. Let's be honest, the first chemo was hard to muster up the strength to eat anything. Two weeks after chemo I put on a full Thanksgiving dinner and to be honest, I could only enjoy bites at most. I was probably struggling to get in 600 calories a day and I mean struggling. The times where I felt like nuggets from a fast food joint Javi was happy to oblige, just to see me eat.

Chemo #2-weight up 5 pounds. Sever puking severe diarrhea. Coming off of a fever and cough my appetite was awful.

Chemo #3-weight down 10 pounds. I was so sick after chemo #2 that I actually lost the 5 I gained and more. My onc was concerned and told me weight loss was not an option. Steroids (more than usual) pushed through my port, anti nausea patch given, oral steroids prescribed, and more nausea meds

It was after chemo three that the shit really hit the fan. By my 4th appointment I had gained the weight I lost plus more 17 pounds. I didn't get it, I mean I was still averaging like 600-800 calories a day at most. For the days I was able to eat two meals, I'd have days where I could barely stomach water. At this point I had the help of Mary Jane and fluids which I needed to receive on multiple ocasion. I could never drink enough water, it was a constant battle of trying to stay nourished. Now I know when people think of cannibis for medical purposes they think of us being high as kites and eating doughnuts all day. The fact of the matter is most days I was too weak to even get the lighter to work, or even strike a match. Most days I was too weak to even inhale.

After chemo 4 I had a new enemy....my body had enough of it all and I started retaining water. Chemo appointment number 5 I was up 20 pounds and my skin was tight. I was reduced to a chemo "waddle" I was winded just going to the bathroom. It was awful. I was immediately put on lasix and I was able to lose it all...but that dehydrated me so more steroids and fluids through my port. If I took lasix daily I got dehydrated, if I didn't I would retain water. It's a viscious cycle that I'm still dealing with and will deal with through my every three week Herceptin infusions.

Oh Herceptin or "diet chemo" as I like to call you. They said you'd have no side effects and they LIED. I'm having issues eating...again. After three juices (48 oz) yesterday I was done. So full, so nauseous, upset stomach. I ended the second day in a row throwing up, all because of Herceptin. Which also manages to make me fatigued for a couple of days. The juicing helps, I have bursts of energy throughout the day, but the truth is I wouldn't be able to work a full day without probably falling asleep at the wheel on the way home, or at my desk, or in the bathroom.

At the end of chemo I was back up the 20 pounds and at my heighest weight ever. I lost 10 before surgery but with my double mastectomy I wasn't allowed to take lasix and the swelling once again began. Add another 5 pounds and I was almost hysterical. A week after my double mastectomy I was down 10 pounds (with lasix). Then a few more days went by and I was down 5. Since I started juicing I'm down another 10 and now 5 pounds away from my pre chemo weight. WOOOOOOHOOOOOOO. That's a big deal right there.

I've got 4ish weeks left on the juic fast, which is ultimately met as a transition to clean eating. Still going to juice three days a week after the fast is over and eat mainly fruits, veggies, and nuts, with fish, meat, chicken sprinkled in.

After I lose the remaining 5 pounds I want to lose another 15 to get down to a healthier weight. Hopefully I can do that before my surgery. I'm thinking that my surgery will be literally a day or two days after my juice fast. The timing is perfect. There is still PLENTY of fat for fat grafting, summertime fine here I come!

Inflating the balloon

Court side at the MAVS game! I handed out the game ball/
waddled to hand out the game ball lol. CHEMO FABULOUS

Sigh,

I want to post pictures, I do. To be completely honest I don't care if the world seeings what double mastectomy boobs look like, because they look like shit! I think that all of those pink ribbon ads should be filled with pictures of post mastectomy "breasts", drains, bald browless lashless women who have put on 30 pounds of chemo weight, and vomit and diarrhea. Yes gross, but that's REAL. Out of respect for my sexy ass husband and the fact that no ones "boobs" or "foobs" or "nubs" in my case should really be out there, I won't.

But who needs pics when you have my graphic detail.

My post mastectomy bandage. As you can see....nothing there!

So I didn't get to keep any breast tissue. What does that mean? All of my insides of my boobs were taken out, my nipples, and aereola. So I have a scar on both sides that goes from boob side to boob side and is a zig zag where they took out my nipple. (/\/\) that's kind of what it looks like. So basically afterwards it was just sagging skin. In place of my breast tissue, they put a tissue expander, plastic water balloon. They inflated it immediately with 300 CC's in each nubbin'. When I go to the doctor (every two weeks), they stick a very large needle in my tissue expander and put in additional fluid. I was able to take in an additional 250CC's at my appointment last Thursday for a total of 550cc's. Not bad, but as my last post stated, I'm a member of the Big Titty Committee, not medium sized one! In order to get to the size I want I probably need another 200-250cc's in addition to the fat grafting so I'm hoping to get there next Thursday.

During the reconstructive surgery they will take out the tissue expander, put in the implant, and then do the fat grafting. That's how it's done!

Pump me UP and FAT FAT FAT

Grow grow grow!

Ok so boob cancer doesn't end after chemo or surgery...it like never ends. What do I mean by that, well what I mean by that IS

1. You have to wait for your shit to grow back...brows, lashes, hair, hair in unwanted areas...you get it
2. You have to deal with the weight.

Weight. Weight. Weight. This muthafuckin' weight. One of the most UNFORTUNATE side effects of BREAST cancer (not all were created equal, some people go through chemo and don't even lose hair...promise I'm not throwing shade) is the weight gain. 20-30 pounds. Yes I said it. Weight gain and bloating have been the biggest fucking disappointments to me because as the calendar will tell you Spring has SPRUNG and we are a stones throw away from summa'. If you live in the South, summer could be here any fucking day and my fat ass ain't ready. I have lost almost all of my chemo weight, I'm about 10 pounds from where I was pre chemo. Size 6, LAWD JESUS let me get there in the next month.

Ok so back to numbering shit

3. Reconstructive surgery bitches!! OMG I have not talked about that at all on here. So naturally, as the ORIGINAL Queen of the Big Titty Committee I refuse to be dethroned, especially by some bullshit ass cancer. So what I opted for is breast implants (don't think porn think a little more than tasteful titty) and fat grafting. I have no breast tissue so if they stick an implant in that shit will look weird like two rocks glued to my body or something. So over the implant he will put donor fat from errywhere, mid section, thighs (outter and inner puh lease, THIGH GAP BITCHES), and flanks (also known as LONJA/side and back fat). I'm telling him to take it ALL and what he can stick in my boobs to stick in my ass! Yes I've mentioned the ass thing, and I think a little fat redistribution will make me feel READY for summa'. Flat tummy, YES PLEASE!

Meh!

4. Food. Ugh. Ok so making this super short. On Tuesday Jav and I started a juice fast. 6 weeks of juicing different fruits and veggies in order to cleanse my system of chemicals, become more alkaline, and help with the weight loss process. I'll be doing updates every 10 days, why not a week well cause I don't WANNA! After we will juice M-W, Th-Sat will be healthy meals that are mostly plant based with organic seafood and turkey as protein additions. I'm already looking at vegetarian and low fat low sodium food recipes. Sunday=free for all.

5. I still have herceptin every 3 weeks. My 2nd (8th) one is Monday!

Now back to this disgusting kale, spinach, romaine juice. Ain't NOBODY got time for this, but I do have the weight for it!

Big Boobless Update

Marking them up to take em off!

Well as the title let you know, I got everything I needed and was at the hospital in diva fashion for my double mastectomy. It went FUCKING PHENOMENOL!

Here's why:

1. Friends came to support, shout out to Angelique who supported my loving husband. BFFs fo' real. Also Kim stopped by with a cute peluche and some gorg flowers from my work family as well as Akon (the rapper).
2. Right boob-cancer was murdered by chemo. Muahahahahahaha. Tek-9 style. My 2 cm tumor was only 1.5 cm of completely dead tumor
3. My lone cancerous lymph node was obliterated

Day of surgery (after)

4. My left healthy boob was healthy, had bumpy tissue....possibly evidence of future things going crazy maybe, glad it's gone.

I was in the hospital two days. Day of I felt fine, but when they tried to take me off the morphine drip the next day I got the worst migraine EVER!! They had to keep me in the hospital another day to help with pain management. I went home with two drains (testicles) that needed emptying twice a day. I was able to get in and out of bed without assistance. Javi gave me sponge baths in his sexy papi chulo underwear....ok no...no he didn't lol.

So I went from 34F to a 34B. Did they leave some? NO. They were able to expand me 300cc's immediately. Now my chest will grow hopefully to a 34DD in the next 6 weeks! Then I'll be ready for new foobs WHAT WHAT!

Get ready, big updates coming soon, but my ass is SLEEPAY so bye Felicia!

Procrastination Professional

LAWD. I have so much to do and I can't stop puking! I need 48 hours of uninterrupted chemo side effects so that I can get my mastectomy pack on. Why am I stil getting side effects, I'm three weeks out. This is bull, BULL.

Things I need

1. Sweat pants
2. Camis
3. Zip up/button up tops
4. Mastectomy Bra
5. Mastectomy Cami
6. Wedge pillow

Two days to get it done. I want to pack on Sunday (did you read that babe) because Monday I have a marking appointment with my plastic surgeon, radioactive boob shot at the hospital, and my first diet chemo. That's a lot!

So something I want to address a few things here, because I know you're ass is curious.

1. I've put on a chingon of water weight. Hopefully I'll pee it out in the next month and lose 15-20 pounds by April 25th. That's my goal and I'm sticking to it! I'll be juicing post surgery so watch out for recipes and pictures. NOM NOM NOM ahem I mean SLURP SLURP SLURP

2. I want to be back to my size 6's by then.

3. April 7th I want to start walking. Hopefully by then I can walk at least an hour without stopping. Couch to 5k will hopefully resume by May 1st. Starting at Week 1 Day 1.

4. T25 will start as soon as I regain full range of motion in my arms which will hopefully be by May.
That's my diet/exercise plan to get my sexy on. I will not do weight training until after my reconstruction because I'm going to need fat so cardio is my focus.

5. My vitamin regimen (hair vitamins, RAW multivitamin, alkaline water) starts after I get out of the hospital, along with my Latisse.

I fully expect to be tired for a while. Just because you have surgery and go through chemo doesn't mean you go back to "normal." I will be fatigued. How long? I'm anticipating a year at a minimum. Hopefully I'll start feeling better in six months, but it's truly hard to say. My body has been battling cancer Since November. I saw myself go from, "shit this ain't bad," to "Lord come and HELP ME I can't do nothin'." Truth is, I didn't think it would be this bad. I can't bend, I can barely walk. Water retention has made physical activity very difficult...here I though puking was the worst side effect. Hell no Felicia that water is no joke!

With that being said zZzzzZzzzz

Bye Felicia

Sometimes it be like...DAMN

OK, so remember when facebook was THE FACEBOOK? When only tier 1 university students could join? Well there was a group called Sometimes it be like....DAMN.

Round 6 of chemo. Sometimes it be like...DAMN

Lord oh Lord this shit SUCKS!!

Puke

Shit

More Puke

Oh and of course all my lashes on my left eye...GONE! Well that's not true...I have two. I look like Plankton from Sponge Bob Square Pants.

So things have been shity! Ugh! And I'm suppose to be getting my tits chopped off in 10 days. 10 DAYS! That's like soon right? I could be freaking out and hugging the girls but honestly, I'm too worn out from puking, shitting, and puking again. The fun thing about being so close to surgery is....drum roll...

No pot smoking (hence all the vomit), no pain meds, no vitamins or other things that may help bolster you up. It's like doing chemo cold turkey hahahaha, THIS SHIT SUCKS.

I walked the dogs today, I made it five houses down before I wanted to throw myself on the mercy of the concrete floor. So dramatic. I turned my chemo ass around, ain't nobody got time for that! I'm hoping to make it to the street lamp tomorrow, that's a whopping 8 houses down. Pray for me that I can do it. I need to start being more mobile, I'm tired of this cancer patient shit!

Taste and See

Chucking chemo the deuce! BYE FELICIA!

Today was my last dense chemo....well, better make that yesterday. Chemo insomnia is the greatest...NOT! It's like walking the plank, too scared to jump so you just stand there bobbing along with the water. Waiting...waiting for either the pirate to force you off or for you to take one giant leap of faith. I'm here waiting...waiting to throw up and feel the burn or ya know...not.

Chemo today was fun! Wildn' out with my chemo buddies. It's always a #turnup when Angelique is involved. The line of the day has to have been, "If you're having relationship problems I feel bad for you son, but my wife has cancer...bitch." LOL hahahahaha I laugh so hard just replaying it in my mind. Thanks girl! I was awarded with a trophy by Angie, t shirt by Texas Onc, ballons from my sister, and given a beautiful Origami Owl necklace by Lawren. The words in your cards were so heartfelt. Want to see who your real friends are...get cancer, it's a blessing and a curse. The cream rises to the the top while the rest of the world is just...meh. Javi and my mom provided the snacks and faux bubbly. TRAILER CAKES! How Javi discovered this place is beyond me, but thank you babe....NOM NOM NOMERIFIC! Mom's sandwiches and "drank" were a hit. From nurses and doctors to fellow chemo victims like me, it was cool to see more smiles and happiness than pain. Laughing filled the room where I had previously witnessed despair....tears and even my dehydrated ass vomiting in a corner. It made me feel like I was playing hooky from work rather than getting that essential poison healing. LOL.

My brother showed up. It annoyed me. He showed up for himself and not for me. Like that liar and murderer who calls for a priest on their deathbed so they can say their confession to clear their conscience. I'm not a fucking priest, so don't waste my time. And don't put moms sandwhiches and Javi's gourmet cupcake in a ziploc bag and leave all suspect, it makes you look like you came to chemo for the food....ahhhhhh so that's why he came. Cancer or not, I don't do fake well...at all.

I'm stockpiling weave...look
at my future hair style for summa!

Breast friends (my fellow sisters in boob) posed a question two days ago. What song has been your saving grace during chemo/cancer/boob removal/vomit fest/hellfire/boob reattachment? Mine go from one extreme to the other. The story of my life has always been Hopeful...by Twista of all people. Words so important from somewhere you wouldn't expect, words that will probably find themselves tattooed on my body one day...they saved my ass through loss, breakup, lie, cheat, pain, through despair...chemo honestly was a breeze after all that.

Cuz I'm hopeful, yes I am hopeful for today
Take this music and use it, let it take you away
and be hopeful, hopeful, and He'll make a way
I know it ain't easy, but that's ok
Let's be hopeful.

Hope is what divides the men from the boys, and always has to me. No matter what situation we find ourselves in it is the keystone that gets us through. I'm reminded of my namesake, a woman I never met because she died 20 years before I was born. My grandmother (paternal) use to say "He who has little shall have less, and even that will be taken from him." In stark contrast to my grandmother, I'm not a Bible verse kind of gal, it's not my style, but I do know that my grandmother was reverencing Matthew, and not in the way people think. Who has little? The spiritually bankrupt. If you go through life spiritually bankrupt, you will lose the gifts God has bestowed upon you to help mankind. It's a total if you don't use it, ya lose it. You are given the gifts of faith, hope, and love from birth, from life experience, from wherever. You can foster it...or you can let it die, the choice is yours. My gift, joy. I'm a happy person. I spread that shit to the world the best I can, even now, even though I talk some MAD SHIT I'm happy like a room without a roof. If I chose not to be, God will take that from me because I am not deserving. So funny that This song reminds me of this fact. Even funnier that a woman I never met reached out to me in the midst of my physical pain to remind me of the overall picture. Run tell that!

I have digressed immensely.

Psalm 34 was chosen as a responsorial psalm at our wedding. It's my favorite. Here is why:

Taste and see
Taste and see
The goodness of the Lord
O taste and see
Taste and see
The goodness of the Lord

<enter my fav rendition of my fav part>

Glorify the Lord with me
Together let us all praise Gods name
I cried to the Lord, have mercy on me
from all of my troubles I was set free

See bolded. This is why it's my favorite rendition...I cried out to the Lord. And the choir sings it southern Gospel style. Damn have I done a whole lot of that lately...crying out begging for help. Always on my knees, penitent, and He has heard me. Even in pain. Hope doesn't mean you are excused from the pain, it means that you know you won't be in pain forever. Pain...such an important and necessary part of life. It knocks you on your ass, not a bad thing. I find the view from your ass is a lot clearer than from the tallest mountain top. BELIEVE THAT.

Not my finest hour

Dolly is disgusted with her mama!

Lord have MEEEERRRRCCCCCAAAAAYYYYYY!

OK this is one of those don't read from this point on if you get grossed out....and by grossed out I mean...GROSSED THE FUCK OUT! My husband said that I need to keep it "All the way real," like Real Housewives, so here goes.

I'm swelling like a water balloon. I noticed a few days ago it was back and while I do have meds to help with this I have no desire to go to the hospital due to dehydration. Ain't nobody got time for that. So with the impending LAST MUTHA FUCKIN' chemo one Wednesday I figure let me get the swelling under control.

Enter lasix.

Lasix basically rids your body of the extra water....you pee it out. I know you know where this is going. This morning I open my eyes and I'm like FUCK I needs to GOOOOOOO!!! Javi is snoring his ass off, so the mad dash was reduced to a cancer patient waddle. UGH. I didn't make it...well I made it but it was too late. Now this is why I'm so anti pink ribbon commercial bullshit. Breast cancer doesn't look like some pretty bejeweled ribbon, it looks like a browless girl carrying 10 pounds of extra water weight accidentally peeing on the floor.

Speaking of not my finest hour I'm officially a member of Breast Friends, a hidden FB group of gals in the trenches. I've been able to share the importance of Imodium AD with them and diaper cream. Ahhhh to speak to a group of women who understand the nastiness.

Front to back ladies!

BC

Hot DAMN!

It's been a muthafuckin' minute. Ok so let's dive right in with no interuptions....mmmmmkkkkaaaayyyy.

After Chemo #4 which was January 17th I suffered a completely awesome complication from chemo. Namely from being pumped to the brim with Taxotere, a drug that causes swelling and water retention. So a few days after chemo I started blowing up like a balloon. How is this happening? I'm barely eating? Why do I have a gut and double chin? More importantly why is my husband lying like I haven't put on weight. Puke puke puke shit shit shit fatigue fatigue fatigue. I was swelling so much I was having some serious trouble walking. I barely could get up and down the stairs. I was out of breath just getting out of the tub. The joint paint was unreal, especially in my shoulder, ankles, knees, and jaw. I was basically a hot ass fucking mess. So I'm thinking whateves, chalk it up to the game that is chemo and cancer and I'll just tell my doctor when I have my next chemo.

I waddle into the office the morning of Feb 4th (I think) ready to be pumped with my poison cocktail. Dr. Le looks at me like holy shit bitch, yo ass is so fat. I basically had gained 15 pounds in 3 weeks! And my LYING ASS HUSBAND didn't tell me! LOL She put me on lasix...immediately. Hollaaaaa. Diet pills bitches, these are diet pills! Not really, they make you release water and boy did they ever. I lost it all in 6 days...WHAT WHAT. I'm going to go ahead and keep this bottle for when the summa' get here! Unfortunately my blood work looked like ass so I needed more steroids and fluids pumped through my port. I always get scared when I go in for a check up and need fluids, that basically means your ass is one step away from being admitted to the hospital.

So chemo number 5 sucked. I'm basically averaging about a 5 hour drip time, and after I feel like I've been hit by a bus. Remember the good ol days where the bus wouldn't hit till 36-48 hours later? Well, now I'm not so lucky, the bus hits my fat ass on the way to the parking lot after chemo.

Don't mind the partial nakedness chec
k out my hurrrr

Brows: GONE
Hair on head: Still there for the most part...holllaaaa
Ankles: Swollen like a muthafucka'
Skin: dry dry dry and needing Jesus to come from on high and give me that living water!
Lashes: Bottom lashes are mostly gone, I've got a few stragglers hanging on for dear life. Top is still banging, but major major gaps.
Chin: hahahaha chin hair, CHEMO FINALLY GOT YO ASS!

My skin has burns from the bottom of my feet to my face. That is just GREAT. It looks like skin after you just touched your hand to the oven when it's on 425. It blisters, scabs, and basically just chills until my next chemo where it comes back there and in a new spot.

A huge shout out to my friend Maria who brought me a box of fruit and veggies. Perfect timing because I finally got a vitamix to help juice. I like my bullet, but it doesn't get to the consistency I like. It's like she read my mind and new I was going to the grocery store for some kale. Love her. Kicking another should out to my girl Kym who arranged to have her friends write me. I got another card this week from a lovely lady from Mesquite. Thanks girl, I appreciate your kind words, it helps me going. To be honest cancer is cool in the beginning, but after a while it takes it's toll and the wear and tear on your body starts showing. I've been exhausted this last month. I remember those days where I would recover from chemo and in the last month I just haven't been able to. That sucks. Today I was able to leave the house for a non medical reason, first time in a long time! Sad sad sad.

Speaking of sad Tika went to the Rainbow Bridge (heaven for dogs) right before chemo number 5. I miss her so much because she knew me well. We got Dolly, a white applehead chihuahua with brown and black markings and she's a WILD CHILD! Hunter is like mom, why did you bring her! She helps get me through the days when I need a cuddle bug, and those days are like all the time now. I spend a great majority of my time sleeping...exhaustion is real!

Well I can tell by my imaginary empty glass of margarita that my time is up. As always thank you so much to my wonderful husband for putting up with my ass and everything that he does. He's the best!

Bone Crusher

Post Chemo

1. Keep Claritin in your system at all times to combat Neulasta
2. Keep hydrocodone in your system at all times to combat Neulasta
3. There's something about puking up chemo burness that still fucking sucks
4. Burn baby burn...chemo inferno...burn baby burn
5. Bone crushing pain...I fucking hate you.

I Just Got Hit

Engagement pic from a year ago..

By a train...called chemo.

 I feel so exhausted and I've never felt like this post chemo before. I had to take a nap! LAWD why did I admit that. My infusion went fast. They were pouring it into me like I was a glass and chemo was the tequila. OH I WISH! I have two more left but uggghhhhhh it's taking it's toll. I post less, I leave the house less, and I'm a hot ass mess. Totally loving the repetition of the last consonant sounds s lol.  I've managed to lose a debit card, a gold paint pen,some thank you cards and a wedding card under the front seat of my car while on my way to the post office. WHO DOES THAT? What's even crazier is no matter how much I contort my body, I can't reach it. I can see it, but I can't get to it. That's some fuckery if I've ever seen it. I don't even want to tell Javier...because he'll laugh at me. Then get it for me, but I don't want him to know that his wife isn't capable of reaching under the damn seat of her car. HE KNOWS NOW! lol

I haven't had the energy to grocery shop. It's like all the energy I had, left me on Saturday night :( An hour and a half of "normalcy" (sitting down and watching people dance) really cost me big time.

Go Cowboys......uh....never mind!

 There's a storm a' brewing and I'm thinking vomit and diarrhea along with serious bone pain are in my future. Operation avoid the pain has now commenced.

This will be a quick post seeing that I'm already in the midst of a shit storm and it's a totally category 5.

If I say anything that you remember let it be this:

If you feel like something is wrong...go to the doctor. If the doctor feels like nothing is wrong yet the pain doesn't go away, seek a second opinion. A 250k degree and a six figure job doesn't mean shit against Google, Web MD, and genetics. I'm not saying turn into a hypochondriac, I'm saying listen to your body. These women in the chemo infusion room are so real I can't stand it. So glad my Dr. didn't think my age completely ruled me out of having breast cancer.

Why is it in this country you get a medal for being tough and enduring the pain, but at times that medal comes at the cost of a wooden box that ends up six feet under. Why is the person who fights on the battle field (or in the chemo room for that matter) only worth something when they're gone? Notice that everyone supports the troops (or breasties) when they fall, but who will support them while they stand? Why is hard work/success measured by the hours we spend away from our home and loved ones and not by the time we spend with each other? Why is it a sign weakness and incompetence running to the doctor 15 minutes after your contract time ends? 15 minutes before? In the middle of the day? When you have a sick child? When did our work become more than important than our life? I will always have a reason to smile because people always give me a reason to laugh....for better and for worse.


Fact: Cancer sucks, my body will never be the same (and that's ok). I'm exhausted, my joints ache, and I can't type as well as I used to. NO I DON'T PROOF READ I'M EXHAUSTED! SORRY! NOT SORRY! That's ok to me, but not to others. Lucky for me I don't mind and they don't fucking matter. But I will no longer put the needs of others in front of my own or in front of my husband. I deserve more than that. I won't let someone give me more so they can do less. I won't associate myself with people who don't value me, in the work place or in my personal life. God did not put me on this Earth for that, to be a slave to the whims of others. Moses broke free of that so that I wouldn't have to. "I want to be the girl who walks in the sun," this girl just wants to have fun.

Night Felicia


UGH I'M FAT

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Hope I look like this again one day soon!

Well, not really bitches but I'm packing for chemo tomorrow. I need more luggage after 7 hours in the chemo room than on a two day weekend in Austin. Now that's a lot of outfit changes! My chemo MUSTS include
-electric blanket
-extra blanket
-ugg boots
-MK slippers (thanks babe!)
-cell
-trashy US weekly
-neck pillow ala Celinas Garcias
-iPAD
-chemo cold caps
-moisturizer
-tights
-chemo buddie (shit talking is a must) or sexy husband
-a face full of club makeup, MAC FACE BEAT UP!
-chargers for electronics
-cute Kleenex that Angelique got me
-lip balm
-good snacks, whoever stocks the chemo room full of snacks is seriously out of touch

There you have it...my list o' shit. I'm not sure if I want to wear my Hooters sweatshirt or not. I find it highly inappropriate...which means I'll probably be wearing my hooters sweatshirt tomorrow hahaha. Nothing says save the boobies like a Hooters Shirt. Tee hee.

How am I feeling? Like a fresh steaming pile of shit. Emotionally and physically. I really don't want to go, so mentally I'm like....MEH. I was starving so I went out for nuggets and now I feel worse. It's hard knowing that I have two more months/3 more round of this. It's like being at mile 13.1 when you have to run the actual marathon. Half way there means.....well nothing really.  There's something really unsettling about knowing that you are about to be head first in that toilet you just cleaned. BLAH.

I'm looking forward to my new ass...and boobs. They can't come fast enough!

I didn't have no LUMP or nothing Jesus!

Ok, I have news breasties of the world I have NEWS! So I went to see my BS (Breast Surgeon) on Thursday and after some foreplay (on her part, not mine lol) she couldn't feel anythang. Inside I'm thinking well of course, three rounds of the good good and a mountain of puke and shit later if my lump was still as obvious as before I think I would have ripped my own breast off myself. Like for real. For serious. Fo' shizzle. I was relieved and thankful that after the lube and sono she said "well, I don't really see it."

Cue the music!

ALL I DO IS WIN WIN WIN NO MATTER WHAT GOT BOOBIES ON MY MIND I WILL HAVE TO GIVE THEM UP AND EVERYTIME I STEP UP IN THE BUILDING MY FAKE BOOBIES WILL ALWAYS BE UP......AND THEY'LL STAY THERE AND GUYS WILL SAY YEAH!

Ok that's not how the song goes....but it's been rewritten! SUE ME!

So here's an update:

Three more rounds-------ugh
Hey Shorty, it's my birthday------March 16th----and I'm going to sip barcardi like it's my birthday! The big 31!
Bilateral Mastectony (BMX)-----March 25th

My surgery will be accompanied with a sentinal node biopsy to determine whether or not there is any life tumor still in my node that was afflicted. If there is any live tumor that remains in my boob or node then I will need to undergo radiation. Meh. Hopefully there's nothing left! PLEASE GOD let there be nothing left! I'll need to remind myself of the end goal as I finish these next three rounds. When I'm in pain, puking and pooping please GOD let me remember the end result!

I will need twelve more rounds of Herceptin regardless....36 mo' weeks....meh! My port Scheanna and I will be getting quite close this year, as I attempt to accessorize around her bitch ass. LOL.

I'm trying to focus more on things that aren't cancer related, like trying to finish furnishing and decorating our house. It's hard to believe that it's been almost a year since Javi and I got married/bought a house/he lost his dad. We've had a wild ride in the last year and are looking forward to thinkgs calming down a bit. I mean don't get me wrong we've had a blast, but we've had some unfortuante events happen to say the least. So.....in honor of the kick ass 2014 year we are going to have, I am planning my woman cave! Think all gold errythang, blue blue blue accent wall, and MAKEUP AND HAIR! Girlie to the max, yet classy. Can't wait to blow my hair (ahem, probably extensions, but I will be paying for them so it is my hair lol) and beat my face up with the best MAC has to offer.

So speaking of face...thank GOD for Plantscription oil from Origins. It hydrates my face big time. The new honey body butter from The Body Shop has also worked wonders for my skin. Thank goodness.

Cancer people...don't you LOVE how people say they are going to come and visit, but they don't. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT! It's kind of annoying! I appreciate all the people who have text me, called me, written me, and come to visit me. It means so much and it's the best way to stay positive!

To Eat or not to Eat?

So. I just went to the grocery store. HOLLLAAAAAAA! I know, out among the people doing what needs to be done, but out nonetheless. Truth be told, I had a lash appointment so I figured why not find food so that your husband doesn't (in his mind of course) roll his eyes and curse his wife for not having anything in the house except stale bread and three week old chicken!

Shopping now is different than it was before. Now while I am a third generation victim of the bitch ass C (my maternal gma-breast cancer, my paternal gma-cervical/ovarian/uterine, my ma-breast, me-breast). Did you read between the parenthesis? LOL It's called YOU CAN'T ESCAPE THIS SHIT...BITCH! So anyways, now that I'm a week away from round 4 (gasp) I figure the little time I do have an appetite I need to binge on healthy foods. I've read a lot of info about what to eat post cancer, and the conclusions I drew were 

1. I'm HER2+ what does that mean? It means the shit may come back.

Did you just say vegan?

2. I need to cut down on dairy, any dairy I do consume MUST BE ORGANIC no genetically modified anythang..my cancer is HER2+.

3. I need to cut down on sugar, chemo puts me at a high risk for diabetes

4. Up the calcium, chemo puts me at a high risk for osteoporosis and arthritis

What does that leave? A whole lot of organic fruits and veggies, little to no dairy, little to no beef/chicken, fresh caught seafood, nuts, and um....WATER!

The good news is, I like water, the bad news is I'm officially in a relationship with cheese. Sigh....let me rephrase. It's complicated between cheese and I =)

Foods laced with genetically modified product fucks with our system and gives us the big C. Now keep in mind, I obviously have some type of predisposition given my family history. I accept it. However, it couldn't hurt if I try to eat a little healthier!

So Mondays will officially be meatless Monday (if possible during chemo, definitely after). See Mondays may be I can't eat a damn thing during chemo! Tues-turkey (ground), Wed&Thurs-raw vegan/vegan/vegetarian, F-Fish Friday, Saturday and Sunday are few to eat whateva in moderation. So that's the plan. three days a week will include no meat, chicken, fish. This means I have got to learn some healthy veggie/vegan recipes. 

Big ups to all of my friends, especially Holly that hooked me up today and has me looking fabulous! Tomorrow will be a bigger blog, scan scan scan baby! I'll find out about my tumor after my meetings with my Breast Surgeon. Keep you all posted =)

Cancer and the Caste System

Fake lashes n' brows. Putting paint
where it AIN'T!

I don't know if I like the direction of where this is going, but it's going nonetheless.

Fact: There comes a certain perspective that I have gained from being in a room full of the sick, full of the dying, and full of those fighting to survive.

Fact: None of the other gals look like me, in more ways than one.

Fact: People are inherently stupid.

So when you get the big C the patience level becomes...well it doesn't exist. I no longer have patience for people who haven't "been there." I can't tolerate people with little to know (yes I meant know not no) life experience.

I always knew the importance of having good health insurance. Call me Canadian, but going to the doctor and getting the works is just a way of life in the great white north. I really don't get the big deal about the ACA. If you like yours keep it, if you don't you have options, if you had a preexisting situation (like I have now) your insurance company can't fuck you over and say uh um neva mind bitch you are on your own! Case in point: Boob Chica worked for an employer that doesn't value our healthcare. Boob Chica had the best plan for chingos a month, but still was bad. Boob Chica got married and said f' you haterz, I'm getting under my husbands insurance. We call it "the good good." Not only was it less to insure both of us than it was for me under my own crappy plan but, given the whole Breast Cancer thang, it worked out for the best.

"Thank God you don't have our insurance."

What HR told me when I went in to request FMLA paperwork. Really? That's what you think of me? My hard work? My dedication? Breast Cancer sucks but BC and a shit insurance company sucks more. My chemo costs 11k a session. That's 66k total and that's just for the medicine going in my arm during the six rounds. I need 12 more rounds after my surgery! Cancer is not a poor gals disease...clearly. My insurance coverage of it: 100%. My copay: 20 bucks. Shouldn't everyone be entitled to this? My biggest worry: the puking, the pooping, what kind of concealer covers my bruise the best, what eyebrow pencil is the most natural. I think I'll get my lashes did tomorrow, and nails, and buy my 100% organic food. I don't have to worry about, shit I can't have chemo this week, I can't afford it. I don't need to worry about affording my pain meds, or scans, or paying my electric bill because I spent all my money on meds.

Cancer has rendered me home. I can't work. I'm not getting 100% of my paycheck, not even close. But we have been able to make it and still keep our family of two, plus two furchildren afloat.

I am the lucky one. I am the fortunate one. I am the blessed one. I am a rarity. Most people are not like me. I am one of the youngest, I am one of the only people of color. Like seriously I can count the minorities that I've seen on one hand that go through chemo. I've only ever seen another barely 30 something while there. Most people that look like me don't get the cadillac of treatment. Most people that are my age don't have the dream team of doctors and surgeons like I do.

Cancer greatly divides the haves with the have nots. The have nots struggle to survive, struggle to put food on the table, struggle to receive quality care, can't afford reconstruction. The haves well, we struggle. The struggle isn't as great.

I had new coverage as of January 1st. See the hubby's company got bought out, and they had a different insurance provider. So we made the switch, as if we had a choice. They had to cover me. THIS IS A HUGE DEAL. Because of ACA, they had to cover me. This is a big deal. Before the law, I would have fallen through the cracks, 33k worth of chemo remaining and people wouldn't have given a shit.

So when you complain, be fortunate. You never had to sit in a room full of the sick, we have a much better grasp of the  value of coverage than you.

Lemons and Lemon Drop Martinis

Happy New Year Felicia!

Ok, so I have meant to blog sooner but, ya know....HOLIDAZE BITCH!

1. Merry Holidays and some UGGS
2. Cristina Came
3. Chemo round 3 in the books
4. Hair shedding...LIKE A BOSS (ahem I mean dog)
5. Green Wednesday
6. UGHHHHHHHHHHH

So I will do things in this order and by things I mean write this post. I don't remember what I talked about last time...BLAME IT ON THE CH CH CH CH CH CHHHEEEEMMOOOOO!

So murry cri'mas (you like that Richie) to all my people out there. I appreciate all the support and love that you have given me toward the tail end of 2013 and your continued support into this new fabulous year that I will no doubt have. See nothing says Happy New Year like a double mastectomy, reconstruction, and fat in my ass!

Heading in for my post chemo shot...no more ass, in the arm!

Sigh already off track.

See what had happened was....they will have to do some fat grafting for my new tits, which means the fat is getting sucked out of my tummy and thigh area and put in front of the implant to look more natural. SO WHAT I'M SAYING IZZZZZ....why not make a lemon drop martini out of my clusterfuck of a situation and stick a few injections of my own fat where it belongs...INTO MY ASS! Just call me V. LO

So Christmas was good, as far as that goes. Javi went ALL OUT! Ugg boots, Ugg ear muffs (for chemo and beyond!), Michael Kors wallet, and Michael Kors slippa's! So label fabulous I can't STAND IT! Love my gummy bear <3

The next day I had chemo...but....CRISTINA CAME. Always good to talk to a friend or even have a friend around that has gone through the struggle. Her mom battled cancer years ago, so she was able to offer some pointers when it came to how to survive chemo. She also could tell when things were starting to get REAL. I really appreciated her visit. Thanks for the head turbans girl :).

This round has been unique...Neulasta kicked my ass worse than ever, the bone pain was UNREAL. Now my lashes and brows continue to take a beating, and my hair around my nape and back of my head has shed big time. I still have my hair, it's thinner, but still there. Please GOD don't want to shed anymore!

Marijuana was legalized in Colorado and sales started yesterday, aka Green Wednesday. Boy am I jealous! This round has been the best yet! Less diarrhea, vomiting, mouth sores, nausea...all because of alternative therapy. For all you haters out there, it's natural and it works. The only thing that gets me to eat, drink, or stop throwing up. For me to not wake up with blood in my mouth is a miracle. Funny how it works huh!? Here's to hoping all my Texas breasties going through the Cadillac of chemo get relief from this legally one day.

Ugh, going back to bed. The fatigue is reaaalllllll. As in real bad. HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!