Chemo and the Scale

So many breasties at the beginning of their diagnosis are terrified of that unknown. Will I stay or will I go. I don't want to lose my hair. I don't want to lose my breasts. The cancer patient (in everyones eyes) is always pale, hairless, and skinny. Trying to turn a negative into a lemon drop martini as I always do, I thought FUCK, I may lose some hair, and I will lose my tits, but hell I'LL ALSO LOSE SOME WEIGHT! Um NO! Let me dispell a huge fucking rumor.

Chemo #1-weight unchanged. After puking (moderate) and diarrhea (severe) I was shocked I wasn't down 10 pounds. Let's be honest, the first chemo was hard to muster up the strength to eat anything. Two weeks after chemo I put on a full Thanksgiving dinner and to be honest, I could only enjoy bites at most. I was probably struggling to get in 600 calories a day and I mean struggling. The times where I felt like nuggets from a fast food joint Javi was happy to oblige, just to see me eat.

Chemo #2-weight up 5 pounds. Sever puking severe diarrhea. Coming off of a fever and cough my appetite was awful.

Chemo #3-weight down 10 pounds. I was so sick after chemo #2 that I actually lost the 5 I gained and more. My onc was concerned and told me weight loss was not an option. Steroids (more than usual) pushed through my port, anti nausea patch given, oral steroids prescribed, and more nausea meds

It was after chemo three that the shit really hit the fan. By my 4th appointment I had gained the weight I lost plus more 17 pounds. I didn't get it, I mean I was still averaging like 600-800 calories a day at most. For the days I was able to eat two meals, I'd have days where I could barely stomach water. At this point I had the help of Mary Jane and fluids which I needed to receive on multiple ocasion. I could never drink enough water, it was a constant battle of trying to stay nourished. Now I know when people think of cannibis for medical purposes they think of us being high as kites and eating doughnuts all day. The fact of the matter is most days I was too weak to even get the lighter to work, or even strike a match. Most days I was too weak to even inhale.

After chemo 4 I had a new enemy....my body had enough of it all and I started retaining water. Chemo appointment number 5 I was up 20 pounds and my skin was tight. I was reduced to a chemo "waddle" I was winded just going to the bathroom. It was awful. I was immediately put on lasix and I was able to lose it all...but that dehydrated me so more steroids and fluids through my port. If I took lasix daily I got dehydrated, if I didn't I would retain water. It's a viscious cycle that I'm still dealing with and will deal with through my every three week Herceptin infusions.

Oh Herceptin or "diet chemo" as I like to call you. They said you'd have no side effects and they LIED. I'm having issues eating...again. After three juices (48 oz) yesterday I was done. So full, so nauseous, upset stomach. I ended the second day in a row throwing up, all because of Herceptin. Which also manages to make me fatigued for a couple of days. The juicing helps, I have bursts of energy throughout the day, but the truth is I wouldn't be able to work a full day without probably falling asleep at the wheel on the way home, or at my desk, or in the bathroom.

At the end of chemo I was back up the 20 pounds and at my heighest weight ever. I lost 10 before surgery but with my double mastectomy I wasn't allowed to take lasix and the swelling once again began. Add another 5 pounds and I was almost hysterical. A week after my double mastectomy I was down 10 pounds (with lasix). Then a few more days went by and I was down 5. Since I started juicing I'm down another 10 and now 5 pounds away from my pre chemo weight. WOOOOOOHOOOOOOO. That's a big deal right there.

I've got 4ish weeks left on the juic fast, which is ultimately met as a transition to clean eating. Still going to juice three days a week after the fast is over and eat mainly fruits, veggies, and nuts, with fish, meat, chicken sprinkled in.

After I lose the remaining 5 pounds I want to lose another 15 to get down to a healthier weight. Hopefully I can do that before my surgery. I'm thinking that my surgery will be literally a day or two days after my juice fast. The timing is perfect. There is still PLENTY of fat for fat grafting, summertime fine here I come!